Motherhood Later... Than Sooner Forum

I have one 5 year old boy and have been asked in the past if he's my only one, as if it's bad to have an only child. Have you had that experience?

Robin

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founder, www.MotherhoodLater.com

I haven't really been asked if it's bad to have an only child... just that people inform me how my 2 year old will be lonely growing up all by himself! They say he needs siblings! I know they're trying to be nice..... I respond by telling them I grew up with 3 sisters, and we still fight! So being an only child might not be so bad afterall!

I honestly feel it's all about the parenting. If only children are given the opportunity to be around other children at day-care, school, neighborhood etc, they will not be raised as a lonely child. I am raising an only child (I have a 19 mos old son) as I had him when I was 40 and my husband and I made the conscious decision to just have one. It allows us to manage our careers yet focus our attentions on our son and make him the most important thing in our life. While we are at work, we make sure he is around other children all the time. He is constantly around his cousins and has daily playdates with children his old age in the neighborhood. He is a well adjusted child who has very little if at all any seperation axiety. He loves being around other children, yet he loves spending alone time with his mommy and daddy when we come home from work. It's all about balance. I get asked all the time why I'm not going to have another child and I just tell them it's all about giving my child the best life possible while ensuring that I am able to live my life without giving up my career, which is something I truly enjoy. This means having one child, which is what works for my husband and I. End of story.
Only children are no better or worse off than those with siblings. It's all about the love and parenting given to each child.

I totally agree with both of you.

I am just amazed how complete strangers will sometimes make comments about only children.

I have a sister who is two years younger than me, married, and with two kids, and we hardly ever talk or spend time. Sometimes it makes me feel worse to have a sibling who is emotionally and physically unavailable. And, she doesn't work fulltime, so it's not because she has a major career. It's a big letdown. I've always yearned for a close sister relationship and know she's not capable, and we're very different people. So, I'm grateful for good friends, and I know my son will grow up and make great friends, too, and hopefully have his cousins as well.

Robin

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founder, www.MotherhoodLater.com

I had my daughter at 38, and she just turned 16 last week and I turned 54 this week. I've had just about every stupid and insensitive thing said to me - you should have had more, she'll be lonely, it isn't normal, she'll want sisters and brothers, she'll never learn to share. I have one of the most-well-adjusted, normal, adored, popular, smart kids - not just by my own kvelling admission, but according to everyone who knows her. She has 2 cousins nearby who are younger and adore her, more friends than I can ever keep track of, is a leader in the best way possible, and yes, learned to share very well. She's gone to sleep-away camp since she was 10, and has an extended family of girls who are as close as family to her.We're going through a lot of normal teen-aged stuff now - but none of it too extreme. She has a great relationship with her dad, and we are pretty close. We have "gotten" each other for a very long time. One very typical thing of "onlies": because they deal with 2 adults on a one-to-two basis, they develop adult negotiating skills very early on. At 5, she was saying, "Ok, here's the deal..." I don't think for a minute I would have done this any other way. It has been wonderful, fulfilling and mostly fun.

I am an only child and the mother of one. I hope to have another child.

I think there are some drawbacks to being an only child. I was not a "lonely only" growing up, but in my adult years I began to miss having a sibling. Also, having my parents' undivided attention was (and still is) not always a good thing. I felt unique pressures as an only child.

If I cannot give my son a sibling, I will be sad, but mostly for myself, for not having the joy and gift of another child. I know what my son will be missing and will have to endure as an only child, but I also know that like me, he'll be fine and in some ways better for having been an only, along the lines of the other posts.

It's interesting. There's so many different perspective on this. I have a sibling who I'm not close to in the way I would hope, and it's left me feeling a loss on many levels. We are very different people, with different needs. So, just because you have a sister or brother, doesn't mean it's a relationship that will enhance your life as you might expect.

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founder, www.MotherhoodLater.com

I also have 1 child. I had my daughter when I was 37 and that was after 2 miscarrages and some visits to specialists. My sister has 3 girls and her and my mom are always telling me how lonely my daughter is and that she needs siblings. After what we went through and my current age of 41 I am ok with the way my family is. I wish everyone else would see that it works for us.

christine

Hello All!

I am a new member so this will be one of my Introduction Posts. I am the happy adoptive mom to my daughter Ariel Faith. She was born 6 days after I turned 45 and is now 4-1/2 so we both have big birthdays this July - Ariel turns 5 and I turn 5-0

My daughter is an only child and from the time she was a few months old, I made every effort to get us in environments where she was around other babies such as play groups (where she met her best friend Samantha when they were 3 months old and they are still best friends to this date).

I have two siblings - a brother and a sister. I am estranged from my brother so biology does not always mean closeness. I have many friends I feel are my family so I feel that Ariel will do the same in life.

If I had not taken 6 years, 6 failed IVF's, 2 pregnancy losses and 2 years to adopt her through a domestic open adoption, we would have had a sibling. But by the time all that was done, I was happy to have her and so tired from the journey.

Looking forward to meeting other mom's of only kids.

Kelli

Hi,
I'm a new member, just found this site via the working mother website. So nice to find it. I belonged to new mom blogs after my baby daughter was born in Nov '08 and they were all 25 and stayed at home full time. Then when I asked if anyone was my age, I had my daughter when I was 40, I could hear a pin drop. Then when I got back to work, I could not find anyone at work with small children who were working full time. None. I'm talking about mom's of course. Then I looked at all my friends who had children and only one of them out of many, were working fulltime. She is very successful and has a nanny come every day to her house. Something I can't do. Nor would I want to, as I'd like Isadora to get exposure to other kids, which she loves. My friend with the nanny has 2 other children. I am finding juggling it all very difficult and then on top of it I feel guilt as my husband and I aren't planning to have anymore. EVERYONE asks, when are you going to start trying for a 2nd? Everyone, like its any of their business? Anyway, I'm venting here but I'm so excited to find mom's in a similar boat!