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Seth was off Tuesday for Election Day, and we had a playdate here with his best buddy Nathan. It’s been some time since they got together here, since over the summer, we hosted various playdates at our community pool.
His mom dropped him off, and they proceeded to first play upstairs, then gradually made their way to the basement. There, Seth played Wii, and Nathan perused the spacious closets full of toys and entertained himself. Things were going swimmingly for some time, until the both of them wound up in my home office proclaiming they were bored. Seth was armed with his tool kit in hand, asking me what needed fixing in the house. I wasn’t keen on going that route for my little Bob the Builder and his willing assistant, so I had to think fast.
Bored? How could they truly be bored? We don’t lack for toys and means of entertainment. Perhaps they were actually in toy overload and couldn’t focus? It was all likely becoming one big blur of legos, megablocks, fire trucks, spy kits, space vehicles, power rangers, rescue heroes, game boys, etc. You name it.
Recalling that I’ve learned to keep on hand in the pantry various mixes for cookies, muffins and brownies…..Seth has always loved to help in the kitchen….I quickly proposed we bake. They jumped on the opportunity, and Duncan Hines chocolate chip cookies won out. While fun, this took all of 15 minutes (not counting the oven and eating time). Then what?
Nathan loves to write (he knows I’m an author), and Seth likes to draw, so I proposed we create books. Armed with stapler in hand, paper, etc., they sat down at the kitchen table (after licking off the cookie dough spoons), and put pen to paper. After another 15 minutes, they were ready to move on.
I wasn’t sure what to propose at this point….until a moment of inspiration. The two of them started bantering back ‘n forth about how they met. I was so intrigued by their dynamic, that I whipped out my FLIP video camera (which I adore) and told them we were going to make a movie about the history of their friendship. They’ve known each other since they were 4 (they’re now 7), and theirs is a charming friendship. I’d like to share it with you (see below). And, I’d like to recommend that you consider filming your children interacting with their friends, etc…..and be spontaneous….some of the most precious moments can be captured at the drop of a hat, and I’m grateful to have preserved this time between them. It doesn’t always have to be a birthday or momentous occasion when we break out the video camera.
They both had a blast doing it. And, it reminded me of my childhood friendship with Audrey, who is still a close friend today. We both recently celebrated our 50th birthdays, and we’ve been good friends since kindergarten. There’s nothing that truly compares to a childhood friend who knew you “then.” While I welcome new, empowering friendships, having a history with someone means a lot. She knew me when I had childhood dreams. She knew me when I learned to ride a bike. She knew me when I felt unpopular in Kindergarten. She knew my crushes on boys. She knew my breakouts. She knew when I first got my period. She knew my mom before she passed away, and I knew hers. She knew the dynamic of my family as I was growing up. We went to the same college (had different roomates). We traveled overseas together. We socialized as singles (she’s still single). It’s hard to believe decades have passed. Lots of memories. She’s like an “aunt” to Seth, and I’m so glad they have that relationship.
As I watched Seth and Nathan, I wondered if their friendship will be one of longevity. It would certainly be nice for both of them. And, it would be cool to see how they mature and grow into the men they are meant to be. Time goes fast, and they may not follow in each other’s footsteps. But, I’ll always have the FLIP video of the day the two of them talked about how they came to be friends. And, hopefully in years to come, they’ll look back on it as well….smile….and be grateful they still have each other, as I do my special childhood friend.
http://sharing.theflip.com/session/e4abdfd33c45b36384aa19060d523fff/video/25799301 – click link to watch video
I started to write a whole blog about amniocentesis and advanced maternal age and genetic testing and blah blah blah and it was just kind of depressing. What I really want to talk about is the fact that my mother is coming to visit today. I’m really looking forward to seeing her, but I have to admit that I’m a little nervous about how she’ll react to my big old pregnant belly. Is she gonna think that I’m holding it together this time, or is it gonna be obvious that I’ve already gained the recommended amount despite the fact that I’m only halfway through my pregnancy? Overall, I feel really healthy and extremely blessed to be pregnant again, not only with our fourth child but with our very first son. I’m very much looking forward to sharing that joy with my mother, who had five children of her own. I do have to admit, however, that my mother’s reaction to my ever-blossoming pregnant body is not exactly at the bottom of my list of worries.
I come from a long line of women, you’re probably not at all surprised to hear, who were obsessed with their weight. I can still remember visiting my grandmother in the nursing home when she was 93 years old, and her telling me that she weighed herself every day and replaced two of her daily meals with Slimfast shakes. Why they would let a 93 year old woman have Slimfast instead of a meal, I have no idea. I guess I say all that to say that I come by all this neurosis honestly. Anyway, my children are totally excited for Grandma’s meet. She may even get to see my eldest daughter’s first winter swim meet, and we all plan to go out to dinner on Thursday night to a fabulous restaurant in Abington, PA called Timber. It should be a fun evening. By then I should have the results of my fetal echocardiogram and hopefully have been told that the baby is growing fine and is completely healthy. By all accounts, it should be a fabulous weekend…if I can just let go of my age-old neuroses and relax, it might actually end up that way!
On the day this blog is published I will be on a plane headed home to visit family — mostly to see my father who is very ill. No matter our differences, I love my family. Very much. I have three siblings. They are generous, loud and fun. In younger days, we all played soccer together, went to concerts, baseball games, and bonfires together, and we genuinely enjoyed one another’s company. But things change with the addition of wives, husbands, kids, and age.
There was a time I was really close to my younger brother Joe. He was funny, receptive, amusing and a good friend. In fact, chances are you know my younger brother — or at least an incarnation of him. He’s the 42-year old, bald guy with a beer gut sitting next to you at the soccer game who yells unhelpful coaching tips at his son, uses obscenities regarding the other team, and complains about the coach the entire game. He shakes your hand like he means it, and he’ll buy you a beer after the match while your kids play video games in the corner. He’s opinionated and loud, but not necessarily informed. He’ll gladly tell you everything you already know about anything while lending you a hand retiling your bathroom. He’ll even bring the beer. Joe uses the “n” word casually in conversation, thinks people are poor because they don’t try, and follows Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck.
He’s a good guy at heart but obnoxious as can be on the outside, and he can combine these qualities into almost every act he does. For instance, he makes his wife a healthy, tasty, turkey meatloaf for dinner, but he molds it in the shape of a big penis. Balls and all. Funny? Yes. Crass? Yes. He’ll cook you one of the most amazing, gourmet dinners you’ll ever eat — complete with fine wine and microbrews, but then after consuming mass amounts of roasted garlic, he lets them rip unabashedly at the table. You can’t help but love Joe and be appalled by him at the same time.
But the challenging thing about my brother is that deep down inside he is angry. There are insecurities and a sadness that run deep within him. He’s not even good at hiding it. He competes. He compares. He looks for ways to tear others down so he can feel better about himself. He learned this behavior from my mom. So did I. We all did. And we all work hard not to be that way. Except Joe. That’s why I can see past all of the nonsense and prejudice and remember he’s a sensitive guy who had big hopes and dreams for himself. He just can’t figure out how to get there. Like so many of us, he became distracted by new cars, a big, luxurious house he barely afford, electronic gadgets, excessive amounts of sports gear, and Facebook. There’s not much feeding the heart.
This is where I have to check myself and not be completely angry and disappointed with his behaviors and his bigotry. The four of us were never taught how to be happy. We all had to go out and learn it on our own, and we came up with different ideals. And even after a lot of hard work to achieve these ideals, they changed. And so did we.
So when I see my brother Joe for the first time in two years, I know I have to endure a few racist jokes, some personal jabs, some derogatory remarks about my sons and husband, and a political rant or two before I get to the heart and soul of who the guy is. He is entrenched in emotional armor that comes out aggressively and obnoxiously. But I still love him. He’s family. And that’s that. I believe we are given family so we can gain understanding about who we are and how people in the world work.
And me…I am the naïve optimist. I hope that when he meets his nephews for the first time that familial feelings will rise to the surface and soften that armor. I hope that as a father himself he will feel bonded to all of us simply by a common lineage and a respect for that lineage. But I am not counting on it.
Next week I’ll tell you how it all goes.
(click on a photo below to read about them)
Robin Gorman Newman
Peggy Bogard-Lapp
Catrina Chatelain
Heather Bowles
Margaret Hart
Jean Marie Keenan-Johnston
Lisa Kelly
Jamie Levine
Cara Meyers
Sharon Johnson O'Donnell
Dina Ramon
Cat Reilly
Allison Silver
Melissa Swedoski
