Putting It Out There—by Jamie Levine
Back when I was in my early 30’s, I had a good friend who was perpetually husband-hunting, and used to ask everyone whom she met to set her up. If she ever found herself chatting to a woman in the grocery store, and somehow the fact that my friend was single arose, she would shamelessly ask, “do you know any nice single Jewish guys?” I used to laugh at her antics, but she sure scored a lot of dates. And, ultimately, she snagged a nice Jewish husband, to whom she’s still happily married (though she met him on her own—not through a set-up).
I’m blessed with a multitude of really good friends—both female and male—who know how badly I’d like to be a relationship again, but who rarely introduce me to dateable men. Not because they don’t love me, or think I’m a “catch,” but because they don’t know anyone great—and single—whom they think is my match. So, I’m on my own. Post-breakup with Library Guy, I attempted online dating, and found it pretty disappointing. I’ve also hit several bars—and met a few guys—but no one who’s left me smitten. I’ve flirted at the gym, as well as at the playground with Jayda, and come across a handful of appealing—but married—guys. And it’s been frustrating. Very. In my heart, I’ve always believed that a good man will fall into my lap, organically—at a soccer game with Jayda, while picking out produce in the supermarket, or in the children’s room of the library (been there, done that). But right now, I don’t feel like waiting for Mr. Right to come along. I want to do a lot of dating. I want to balance out mommy-hood and the stresses of graduate student life with some good, old-fashioned, grown-up fun.
Thus, I’ve started opening up my big mouth even more than usual. The other day, Jayda and I were invited to an old friend’s house for dinner, and soon after we arrived, my friend’s younger sister stopped by. I greeted her, and after asking about her kids and the status of her job, I blurted out, “do you know any nice, appealing single men?” She laughed, paused, and then said “let me think about that for awhile…I may!” Five minutes later, she told me she was having a birthday party for her husband the following night and said I should stop by. My friend asked her, “will there be any single men there?” and she responded, “maybe one or two…” As fate would have it, I couldn’t make it to the party—but it was nice to have the option.
Similarly, as I was lamenting about my singledom with a woman I know from the locker room at my gym (whose husband works at the front desk), she asked me what kind of man I was looking for. I told her: Someone athletic and fit, from 36-48 years-old (though I’m flexible on those numbers), preferably with a kid or two (and if not—someone who won’t expect me to have more with him), and someone who’s good with kids. Of course, like any woman, I want my mate to be affectionate, generous, kind, and have a good job—but I’m not wrapped up in trivial details like his height, religion, or whether or not he’s super-hot. I’m discerning—but not super-picky! Days later, she said she might have a guy for me—and that her husband was on the case, too. In the midst of our conversation, another woman walked by and smiled at my friend’s remark, so I caught her eye and said “hey—if you know anyone great who is single, please keep me in mind.” The woman smiled again—possibly because she thought I was crazy—but hey, you never know.
I’m pretty self-sufficient—stubborn, too—so I generally take care of myself, and all of my needs, on my own. And I must admit that most of the men I’ve dated in the past have been men I’ve met without anyone’s help. But desperate times require desperate measures, and I’m finally learning that it doesn’t hurt to ask for some help when you need it. So…blog-readers…do you know any wonderful single men with whom you can set me up? Who knows what might happen! At the very least, it could make for an interesting blog…
Feel free to contact me at JMLNY@aol.com