A New Day is Dawning… by Liimu

Be careful what you wish for…you just might get it.

I have been an avid believer in the Law of Attraction since I read The Secret, by Rhonda Byrne (along with half of the world) back in 2008. I’m not sure what it did for anyone else, but it definitely changed my life on many levels.

First of all, I found myself on stage singing a solo backed up by a choir hand-picked by Patti Labelle (with Patti herself directing) live on NBC for 10 million viewers. (If you don’t believe me, click here.) I couldn’t really believe it myself at the time, which I guess you figured out if you watched the whole clip. It was a surreal moment, and the lyrics to the song – “I’m letting go…give me one more chance…cause I can’t do this on my own…” were not lost on me.

Soon after the Patti Labelle experience, I ventured into starting my own business. I quit my six-figure day job to start my own consulting company, relying on my networking skills alone to get clients and keep them. I doubled my income the first year. I have had slumps here and there, but I have always made more than I made when I worked a traditional job and I never looked back. Similar to when I was in the process of auditioning for Clash of the Choirs, I refused to entertain even an inkling of doubt about whether or not I would be successful.

Flash forward to now. After having my baby, I have been wracked with doubts about whether or not I could lose the baby weight and if so, how fast. I have been obsessively counting calories, enduring punishing workouts (including the half-marathon I ran the Sunday before Thanksgiving, despite knee pain beginning at mile 2), talking about it so much I bore myself and my kids keep trying to reassure me by telling me I’m skinny, and even getting snarky at the weight loss success my friends have been having while I have circled around the same five pound marks for months.

That’s not me. That’s not what I know to be the Law of Attraction and how it works. Well, actually, I guess it is. The same way for years my beliefs about my inability to be a singer if I wasn’t 19 years old and a size 0 kept me singing in my car and the occasional wedding band until I employed the Law of Attraction to realize my dreams of singing on a large scale. The same way I spent a good chunk of my day complaining about my job, thereby securing my spot, only to find that once I put that same energy into what I really wanted to do – work for myself – that it would be successful beyond even my own imaginings.

And so why would I think that doing things that keep me far from my sense of joy – things like talking about how “hard” it is to lose weight, depriving myself of all the foods I love, pushing through brutal workouts even when I’m exhausted or hormonal – would get me closer to the body of my dreams and achieving my weight loss goals? Newsflash – it won’t. In my experience, the Law of Attraction is LAW. So, if I believe that it’s going to be hard – guess what? It’s going to be hard.

I know some people will think this is mumbo jumbo, hocus pocus, crunchy granola BS (like my trainer, for one). I don’t really much care. I know what’s real and true in my life and I know for a FACT the Law of Attraction is a law of the Universe and I am filled with joyous intent to employ it in my favor from here on out. And guess what? I’m really enjoying myself, while I’m at it.

Today was full of laughing and singing and snuggling my kids. I haven’t been to the gym since Monday. Won’t get there tomorrow, either, because I have the chance to spend time with a friend from Australia who is only here until Friday. We will go for a walk, though, so at least I’ll get the body moving. I am loving taking deep breaths before I eat anything so I can get in better touch with what my body wants. I’ve been reading books about intuitive eating and resonate so strongly with Geneen Roth, author of Women, Food and God, who said, “But once the belief and the subsequent decisions are questioned, diets and being uncomfortable in your body lose their seductive allure. Only kindness makes sense. Anything else is excruciating. You are not a mistake. You are not a problem to be solved.” (To read more, click here.)

That was an aha moment for me. So, when my trainer asked me today how I was doing, I told him the truth. I said I was eating healthy, not exercising as intensely as he’d probably like me to but that I am no longer in a go-hard-or-go-home headspace, more of a be-gentle-be-healthy headspace. His response? “That’s crap. You haven’t been pushed hard enough by me. You’re about to go off the cliff. Let’s talk.” I understand his concern. There have been many times I’ve used the idea of intuitive eating as an excuse to gorge myself only to come crawling back to him, tail between my legs. That’s not what’s happening now, and I told him so. I still believe he is one of the best trainers on the planet. He could get me there, if anyone could. I’m just not really in the mood to go. Does that mean I don’t want a smaller body? Does that mean I’m opting to be this size the rest of my life? No, no more than it would mean that I didn’t love the beach just because I decided to plan a mountain vacation instead. I’m opting to accept and love myself. Or, as one friend of mine put it – we can’t beat ourselves into submission when what we really need to do is love and accept ourselves into surrender.

I surrender.