Adventures in Attachment Parenting: Feeling The Pressure by Allison Silver
It seems like everywhere I turn lately all anyone is talking about is having a second child. Not only is it the primary topic of conversation amongst many of the moms that I hang out with but I’ve also seen it mentioned in a few well known parenting magazines lately as well. To say the least I am feeling a bit bombarded!
I love the moms I hang out with because we have similar beliefs on parenting but in many of my social circles I am one of the oldest, if not THE oldest mom in the group. Many of the moms I hang out with are in their early thirties and are very concerned that they need to have baby number two before they are too old. Too old! What does that even mean? I guess it depends on who you ask. For many of the moms around me I would assume thirty-five is their magic number. Why thirty-five? Most likely because that is the age that the medical community has dubbed the “magic age.” After thirty-five you are considered advanced maternal age. What a nice title, right? And with that title comes all of the perks of additional testing and screenings from the beloved medical community. Just the sound of that could make one a bit apprehensive!
For most of us older moms having children wasn’t even on our radar until somewhere around the “magic age!” So what about the second one? Where do we squeeze them in? I am quite comfortable with being an older mom but lately I have found myself getting sucked into these fears and I catch myself wondering if I should be more concerned. Do these women know something that I don’t? Should we hurry up and have a second child? Am I getting…….too old?
Just as these thoughts are racing through my head and beginning to get the best of me, I take a deep breath and turn to MorherhoodLater as a source of support. So many of the stories and blogs that I read from day to day on MotherhoodLater inspire me and help to remind me that motherhood should not be tied to a certain age! I am reminded that although I might be getting older that does not mean that having a second child is out of reach. Many women have children after thirty-five and some don’t even start their families till closer to forty. Heck, I still got lots of time!!
In all honesty we would like to have a second child but neither my husband or myself are ready to consider baby number two just yet. We have agreed that perhaps in a year we will begin to try again but that all depends on Charley. I don’t think having a baby right now would be best for her. She just needs me too much and I really feel that her needs triumph any irrational fears that I might have. I have taken so much time to develop a strong attachment wth her that I wouldn’t want to do anything to jeopardize that attachment or put a strain on our relationship.
There is no need to rush. At least I don’t think so. But having another child is a very personal decision and just like any ther topic in parenting everyone seems to have an opinion about it! Some think you shoud have children closer together while others belive waiting a few years is best. And just like everything else in parenting there is no right or wrong answer. We all do what we think is best for our families and sometimes mother nature surprises us. I am quite certain that if I trust my instincts and put my child’s needs first everything will work out like it should. Perhaps that’s me being the eternal optomist. But hey it’s worked this far so why stop now?