Back to Babies by Peggy Bogaard-Lapp
It’s been over ten years since my arms hesitantly held my newborn daughter, and my eyes gazed into hers for the first time. Both of us were feeling a bit shaky in this new world that was created by her arrival. When I had planned to finally get pregnant and have a baby, I really didn’t put any thought into the “day after,” the day when it was her and I, figuring out how to do this thing called motherhood. I wasn’t scared, really. I was nervous that I might forget something, since being in mommy fog takes away most of your clear headed thinking. The good thing about babies is that they have built in alarms when things are in need: the wail of “I’m hungry!” and the smell of “I need a new diaper!” Or event the simple sound of a sigh as they drift off to a deep sleep. If it weren’t for these things, the beginnings of the mother-child relationship would surely be more rocky.
I find myself these ten plus years later, gazing down into the eyes of another baby. This time, my grandson Ryder is the one I am cuddling with. He is a mere four weeks old, and his mom has left us together while she makes a brief run to the store. She is nervous about leaving him, as any new mommy is. I am nervous about remembering all the things about infants that I so easily let escape my mind those many years ago as my daughter grew. Ryder is not nervous at all. He is happy just to be laying his head on my shoulder, peeking over at the blur of light from the window. I’ve set up a part-time nursery for the upcoming afternoons when he is here and his momma is at work. I found a cute crib blanket at the second-hand store that will work great on the guest bed for a changing station. I have a basket for wipes and diapers and butt paste. I have a bassinet for him to sleep in, on the chance he isn’t sleeping in my arms. I’m hoping his mother provides the rest, like bottles and onesies and binkies, since she is in the midst of it all and will know. There are a lot of things that babies need (or at least we think they do!). I don’t want to be caught without the one thing that will make him happy. Or, maybe I already have it – the natural love you feel for someone so special.