Going Back to Work (1)
I’m going back to work within a month. It’s been ten months. On the last day of work (early June 2007), I was four months pregnant. This April, I will be back at work, with a four-month-old baby. Moments during these blissful days of hanging out with my daughter, I am experiencing anxiety on several levels.
First of all, the babysitter search. So far, only family members took care of the baby, with me as the primary caregiver. I was rarely away from the baby, and during those times she was taken care of by her father or her grandparents. We are now looking for someone to care for our baby for eight hours a day, two days a week, while both parents are away from home.
We will interview candidates, observe how they are with the baby, check their references, try them out, and pay attention to our gut feeling. After going through a rational and reasonable selection process, I know that we will have done our best to ensure a good care for our baby. Surely, many parents develop great relationships with reliable and loving caregivers. Surely, some who are not happy with their babysitters/nannies reach an amicable resolution and move on without any deep psychological scars. It is quite unlikely that any of the nanny stories that make it to the headlines (some horrific, some juicy) will happen to us. We will be all right.
I know all this. Then why does my heart drop at the thought of handing her over and heading out the door for the day? What can I do to reach that calm, peaceful spot?