Going Back to Work (2)
Ten days until I return to work. And I continue to address my anxieties.
One major problem has been solved: we found a babysitter. She came for the interview, and we knew that we found the one. We checked her references; all enjoyed long-term relationships with her (17 years and nine years), retaining her for house-cleaning once the babysitting years were over. But she wanted to take care of babies rather than to clean houses. We decided to give it a go.
The first day she came to babysit, our daughter was happy with her all day long, playing, sleeping, and eating on schedule. We were so happy for having found such a perfect match. Then the second day came with a surprising turnabout: our daughter shrieked and wailed from the moment I handed her to the babysitter. After 30 minutes, I left the house, my heart broken and trampled by powerful emotions of guilt, sadness, and desire to hold her, even though I knew in my mind that everything would be alright. When I returned home after a couple of hours, I found the house bubbling with gentle singing. Our daughter calmed down after an hour, I was told.
Today is the second day with the babysitter. This time, after 30 minutes of shrieking and wailing, the babysitter took our daughter out for a walk. They came back, calm and happy.
Maybe our daughter thinks shrieking and wailing is the way to greet someone?
No, I should be honest with myself. She must be reflecting my own set of emotions: anxiety (of entrusting her care to someone else), sadness (of not hanging out with her), and fear (believe it or not, what if our daughter becomes more attached to the babysitter?).
Perhaps a change in my attitude is the answer to a smooth transition. I’ll try that next time.