Resignation and Regurgitation by Dana Spincola
On April 30, I resigned. I resigned from a job I knew. I knew how to be a principal…share appropriate discipline with students who made poor choices, talk with parents who worried about their children’s educational needs and talk with children about what they were reading, learning and hoping. I resigned myself to the life of a stay at home mom, a job I have waited a lifetime for, but never quite found a want ad that fit. Resignation is an interesting thing…resigning from a job I worked endlessly to understand, and resigned myself into a lifetime of worry, want, wishes and an unconditional commitment of love into a job that I am sure I will never understand. And yet, the two jobs, although complimentary, are worlds apart.
I’ve started my new career into a better understanding of regurgitation, restless naps and a reorganization or priorities. As a principal, I was responsible for schedules, curriculum, and observations, et al. I often found it interesting to compose a resume to include all the pieces of a job that seemed endless, when I knew in my heart it should just read, “in charge of everything.” How truly ironic my new job calls for the same qualifications, with a whole new skill set, and I have no idea how to acquire them. How is it that I could know all five hundred students; their families; their needs; an entire staff’s strengths and teaching styles; balance a building budget; run meetings, return phone calls and always have enough energy to check e-mails one last time before going to bed; and now, now I reflect at the end of the day where my time went when all I did was just be present with a four month old. Priorities…its no longer about getting it all done in a twelve hour moment, now its about those giggles and coos, and the hopeful wonders of what tomorrow will bring. Yes, I read that it would be different, people told me it would be different, but I hadn’t planned for it to be. If I could be a principal, I could easily be a mom…but it is different, and almost five months in, I still have no idea where to begin. I am a planner, but no amount of planning could ever prepare me for this role. And now, I am no longer in charge. My son leads me, and so now how different my role has become from teacher to student, from observer to observee, and from leader to follower.
Yes, I resigned from my principalship, and in doing so, resigned myself to the fact that I may never quite have the skill set needed for my new job as a mom. I am so blessed to have answered this want ad and look forward to each new life lesson my son will share with me. It will be a learning curve that I will long be on, and am fortunate that my greatest passion is being fulfilled by a mind, body and soul that I gaze at each day with awe and respect.