There Just Aren’t Enough Hours In The Day Right Now by Jean Marie Keenan-Johnston
It’s 11:09, and yet again my assigned blogging day is almost over with barely a word typed. My girls are still up (of course!). Today was a particularly good day…I got a lot of really heavy duty work done, so I’m probably lucky I’m literally still standing. Early this evening my girls and I found ourselves at a local park for Family Fun Day, a few fun hours under one of the pavilions watching a magician and puppet show while “a balloon man” stands by creating balloon wonders to order for each of the children there. Even thought I got to sit for two hours and do nothing but watch over my children, the activities of the rest of the day were taking a strong enough toll that dinner was going to be a problem. I remembered I had received an email from Friday’s that told me I had earned a free entrée. So remembering my very limited budget this month, I decided that was probably the most economical way I would find to feed my daughters while taking care of myself too. A few hours of poor service combined with added time waiting for my dinner to be remade, we finally found ourselves back home and I got my girls to bed. (It’s now 11:25 and I’m still hearing laughter in there while I work through this post…thanks a lot Friday’s “chef” who held up my dinner with all your mishaps! I blame you for getting home so late!)
Tomorrow is a new day. Many times I tell myself that to try to calm myself down after a particularly stressful time. But these days I’m not so sure how successfully those words help me. Monday, the first day of the week that usually gets so much flack for being “Monday”, didn’t usually bother me much as a stay-at-home mom. After all, we don’t get weekends off. So a Monday is just like any other Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday or Sunday! But now, it’s a tough reminder of how I need more hours in a day! It’s September and I am still finding dozens and dozens of signs around this house of how behind I still am on various chores after a horrendous chain of flares last winter that knocked me down a good part of the colder months. I’m driven to work away any of my “good days” trying to get caught up many times because I don’t know for sure just when another “good day” that will allow me to be productive will come. It’s been over six years with this pain and I’ve NEVER really caught up. I’m perpetually behind and always wondering if that will every change.
But now the stakes are higher. My daughter is in cyber school, and I made a promise to pretty much our whole family, including her, that I would get her around other people as much as possible to make up for the fact that she’s not around other people every day like students who attend a brick and mortar school. Stack that stress with the internal worry I feel this time of year – that fear of not knowing when the change of seasons will hit me hardest and begin the downward spiral of the winter months, the fear that I won’t get everything done in time before I can’t handle more than a few loads of laundry and maybe loading the dishwasher – and I feel like I’m stuck between a very HUGE 8-ball and a very hard wall. But this year there’s more…there’s definitely a lot more against me. (Or if I choose, I could say it’s pushing me forward rather than holding me back!) Two nights a week of dance class, hoping to find a Daisy troop for my oldest that will allow my youngest to hang out too. Learning coach duties, an almost-four-year-old in tow. A house to continue to try to keep up with while trying to also keep up with the schedules of moms’ groups and homeschooling groups. And of course my own personal interests, like blogging. Whereas before I felt mama guilt because I couldn’t get my children out as often as I would have liked, I now know there are ways (like tonight’s Family Fun Day) to get my children out for a few hours of fun that can offer Mommy a chance to just sit and relax. It doesn’t take much to bring smiles to my girls’ faces, and it doesn’t take a lot to add an educational component to many of these fun events. So I’m hoping, as we adjust in the coming months to all the changes happening, that while today I’m wishing for more hours in a day, tomorrow I’ll be quite comfortable with the very full week I have ahead of me every Sunday night…ready to take on any challenges thrown my way and looking forward to feelings of pride in all I accomplish and joy in all I watch my daughter accomplish.