What a Week by Lori j Loesch
What a week it’s been. You have to delve into the deep dark, before you can come out into the light. This past week has been the pinnacle. My 22 year old son moved out on Monday. I still cannot believe the difference in the physical house. It is quiet. How is it that the “quiet” one has left, the building, and the “loud” ones remain, yet the house is quiet? I guess all of his electronic devices made a whole lot of noise. White noise. We don’t hear the humming, buzzing, noise that we have lived with for a long time.
There’s a positive energy about the house. We all feel it. I had the best night’s sleep in years, last night. I woke up one time, and was able to go back to sleep, until six am, not four am, as has been the case.
I have learned a lot about myself. I am responsible for the way I am treated by others. I need to fear no one and speak my truth. If God is for me, who can be against me? No mortal, or spirit. I have learned to “let it go”. It’s all in God’s hands and God’s will be done, not mine, no matter what I do, I will not change destiny.
I thought that, coming from an abusive home, that I would know how to do it right. I would give my child love, affirmation, encouragement, education, etc. and that would be enough. What I didn’t understand was that, I wasn’t ready to be a mom, yet. I needed to find myself, before I could do anything, let alone be a mom.
The atmosphere in the house is calm. I think my husband and I can deal with our issues, now that our son is not here, adding to all the issues. Having a business in the house was difficult. There’s never a “down time”. It’s always business. If we were in the middle of a movie in the evening, our son would come up to talk business. And, I’m sure there were times when dad wanted to talk business and son didn’t want to.
I realize just how much music and dance needs to be a huge force in my daily life. I have been dancing and singing and listening to music, loud, for a couple of days now! The reason: I watched the Bruce Jenner interview, and he changed me in such a way. The private hell he has had to live with all these years. If he were an ordinary “Joe”, it would have been a private hell, but add to that, his olympian feats, how he survived is anybodies guess. When Bruce laughed at the idea that, he was doing this for publicity, really? He’s been trying to live his life and the photographers’ are following him around town, taking pictures of him in his car, talking on the phone wearing nail polish, or the one where the photo shows him on a moped and he’s clearly, wearing a sports bra. Let him live, free. I’m a bit shy when it comes to dancing in front anybody, even my family, but after the interview, I went into my room and played the music loud and danced and lip-synced! No matter if my husband or daughter came into the room. I need to show her that she should express herself and delete the negative comments that come her way.
It’s a journey. It’s destiny. Life is short to hid yourself under a basket, let your little light shine!