Happy Mother’s Day: “Ok, Im Not Awkward, I’m Just a Mom” – By Sudan McLean, Mom Blogger

My powder room is directly next to my front door.

This has resulted in a couple slightly embarrassing incidents, the most recent being when my toddler, who is fully potty trained and will flip out if I try to help her in the loo in any manner, was in there for a long, worrisome amount of time.

Did she fall in?

Was she clogging the toilet with paper?

Was she dipping her hands into the water?

Was she feeling okay?

This isn’t my first rodeo, and I’ve fished enough foreign objects from the toilet over the last 7 years to know when to start becoming suspicious of a toddler in a bathroom with the door shut.

I mean, come on! Why should the kids get to pee with the door closed?

Oh yeah, because it was a nice spring day, and I had my screen door open…

I gentle tapped on the door and softly whispered, “Cecilia, are you okay in there?”

She in turn responded with a loud thud and started yelling, “I’m going to the potty! Go away!”

I bit my tongue and started to walk away, but offered, “Just let me know if you need…” before she abruptly cut me off. “Mom! I just told you! I’m going to the potty and I can do it myself!”

Annoyed and fully suspicious I said much louder than intended, “Okay, fine! But if you are putting anything but poop and enough paper to wipe your little rear in that toilet, I am gonna’ be really mad! Do you hear me?! Poop and paper! That’s it!”

I whipped around ready to stomp off, but remained within walking distance – I didn’t take more than a step before I heard the laugh. My cheeks reddened without my permission, I unlocked the screen door and casually took my deliveries with a smile while wondering how long it would be until UPS and FedEx teamed up to write a book about me.

As I cursed my propensity for online shopping, I told myself, I have nothing to feel embarrassed about…I’m not (totally) socially awkward, I’m a Mom. There are certain things that come with the territory, you know, like…

BIO

Susan McLean is an award winning blogger and humorist. Her site, The Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva, was named one of the Funniest Mom Blogs in 2011 by Parents.com and in 2011 and 2012 by Circle of Moms. Susan mainly writes about her life as an aging, non-exercising, sleep-deprived, stay at home mother to three small children, but also occasionally about her other loves such as bacon and wine. In 2011 she submitted a poem about her love of bacon to the National Pork Board and won a year’s supply of pork. In 2012, her Domestic Diva picture won a wine label contest and she was featured on Mad Housewife Wine bottles. Her site and writings have been featured around the web and recently on The Dr. Oz Show. In her free time Susan loves doing laundry, and has a children’s picture book in the works.