Lonely in LA….and lovin’ it! by Wendy Sue Noah

Oh, how I love paradoxes, and how they help me and others step out of the “what’s normal” box. How can I be lonely and loving it, you ask? Good question!

First, a little background for you. I am a social butterfly. Literally! My 13-year old son, Zak, asked me in frustration last week, “Mom, why do you have to talk to everyone you run into?! You know you really don’t.” I pondered this for some time, which has become an ongoing practice for me, to reflect on my behavior and to be mindful of my own actions. Am I doing this because I am so lonely in my home office with no local friends or family? No, that was not the reason. I am doing this because I really love people and enjoy interacting with all kinds of people, which Los Angeles bestows upon me with tremendous diversity. It’s like a child in a candy store, as I can’t seem to get enough of friendly discourse and making connections!

Back to my contradictory title. I am lonely in LA. As a single mom of a tribe of five (yes, I’ve got my hands full, literally), I am basically either in my home office or with my children. That’s my life. This is coming from an extremely social woman, who used to go from party to party, and to city to city.  Well, at least, back in the day before marriage (and divorce) and motherhood. Yet, in the same breath, I have found that it is all about perspective and outlook. And in reality, I was truly more lonely back then, while surrounded by so many people, yet feeling empty and unsatisfied inside myself.

It’s like looking at the glass as half full instead of half empty. Or even better, check this one out. My cup is runneth over with tremendous blessings! When I see things through my rose colored glasses, then that is my reality. It doesn’t take away from the fact that there are challenges, like, at times, feeling lonely, amongst the challenge of raising five children on my own with no family by my side. So let me break this down for you to help you in your own perspectives of the beauty of your own life.

First of all, I wake up in joy. Meaning, before I leap out of bed to start the day, I fill my mind and heart with joyful thoughts. I think of my beautiful children, and how I have the honor of serving them as mom. I think of my work before me, and how blessed I am to serve my amazing clients today. This morning, I woke up with the joyful thought of writing this blog, for me as a writer, and for you as a hopefully inspired reader. Of course, we are all human and are sometimes dealing with stressful life situations. So waking up in joy is not always possible. For me, if I awake with strain or stress, I give myself a few extra minutes to breathe deep, or close my eyes and open my heart to feel more centered, and, hopefully, more joy.

Then when the day takes me by storm or by breeze, I am more ready for what’s next. It’s like planting seeds in your spiritual garden of life. Give yourself the sunlight (positive thoughts) and protection of the moist soil (faith), and watch your life blossom like the beautiful flower that you already are, when cared for.

Now let’s fast forward into our day. Hopefully, you enjoy your work, whatever that may be. After I was a part of the Match.Com start-up, launching it 21 years ago today (April 18, 1995) onto the Internet, I’ve become a start-up maniac. And after the divorce, and needing to be home to care for my tribe, I launched my own start-up. As an entrepreneur, I assist start-ups with a conscience, hence the slogan of my business, “Social Media With A Conscience.” It is truly a blessing for me to serve others who are creating something to serve others!

With that in mind, even on days where I am tired and worn out, I am refueled by the passion that I have with my work. If you are not doing what you love to do, or wish you could work somewhere else, then find the best parts of your job, which includes the reimbursement, and focus more on that as the blessing that it is. Try the “glass is half full” strategy. That is always a good place to start feeling fulfillment in life, from the inside out. Then you can feel less needy without. In other words, if you enjoy your life with gratitude, then you will feel more complete inside, and less needy for others to fulfill you. I know this one real well!

Another major component is to love thyself! Since I have my own business, which means flexibility, I treat myself. Whenever I can, I get myself out for a hike so I can hug my trees and talk to the hummingbirds. The connection I have with Mother Nature fills me up so, that if I did have lingering loneliness, it’s gone by the time I leave the forest. Or I have lunch with my 83-year old spiritual mother at our favorite local Indian buffet restaurant. Or I take myself out to lunch with a John Grisham book or my Oprah magazine to indulge in. Treat thyself!! Then we are better parents and people.

Lastly, for all you mothers and fathers out there, at the end of the day, the week, the year, we have what is of the utmost value in heart and soul. We have our precious children by our sides with unconditional love pouring out of us! We cuddle, we argue, we go to the mall. Whatever it is, it fills me up to the point where I sincerely no longer encounter loneliness. Yes, I do miss hanging out with people my own age, or even dating and romance. But at the end of the day, the week, the year, I am so joyful and grateful for my life, that there is no room for loneliness, even in a city as great and diverse as Los Angeles.

Tags: later in life mom, lonely in LA, parenting, single motherhood, wendy sue noah