The Tether Effect by Pamela Francis

So I just read a headline that said “1 couple saves 1 mil and retires; the rest go home to mom” and thought, hey, man, I’d LOVE to go home to mom.  Nothin’ wrong with that.  Because among other things, my mom is witty, pretty, has a great husband (therefore I have a great stepfather), we laugh a ton when we’re together, and we haven’t spent a whole lotta time with her in the last 20 years since I moved away from New York (where mom still resides) to points all over the map that I’ve resided, in my never-quenching thirst for that place, that place, that beautiful place… to live.

I lack rootedness. I have had more addresses than a military brat. Granted, I WAS one, and maybe that’s the reason for my “affliction”, but in the 26 years since I’ve left home I have not committed to any one place that I want or plan to call HOME AT LAST except maybe, just possibly… South Carolina.

When my mom purchased land in SC back in 2008 and told me I was more than welcomed to put a home on it, I was over the moon with gratitude and excitement. I immediately took out my notebook and sketched the house I envisioned for me and my then family of 2. Then I closed the notebook, set it down, and promptly moved across country. Yep. I uprooted myself and my son Malachi, and headed AWAY from the very place I was so certain I wanted to be.

Now, through one of the businesses I started back when Malachi was born, I help others declutter, organize and manage their own abodes – some humble, some decidedly not. I’m in Los Angeles, ya know. I’ve estates-managed my share of mountaintop villas and beachfront condos. Some folks got a lotta house in this here California. And as I go through their mementos, keepsakes and family artifacts, their milestones and photos, marriage licenses and death certificates I often have to manage my own emotions as a sweet sadness comes over me. Sorting and sifting through the remnants of other people’s lives always serves to remind me of my own past, present and future. Where have I been? Who have I been? Where will I “end up” if I continue on “this way”? It can get downright depressing in its total somberness. It’s why my industry exists at all, I guess. I mean sitting alone in a room and confronting one’s life in possessions and papers is not exactly a day trip to the winery. Although, you may need such a trip when you’re about a quarter of the way through such an exercise! LOL…

I came to realize – and now will officially coin the phrase “the Tether Effect” to describe it — that there is a feeling I get at the mere thought of moving home to mom, though the headline I first mentioned tried to take us all to a place of I’m sure shame, regret, failure and defeat. Not for me, Jack. I’m stoked to know where I’m welcomed. When I think about, or talk about to others, the land my mom bought, inspired by me vocalizing some sudden notion I had 10 yrs ago that people should have land in their families…? Child, please.  No matter how much you love, appreciate and take pride in what you’ve acquired or accomplished along the road from the day you left home to the day you retire, there’s nothing like the safety and security, relief and promise of A Family Home. A place, somewhere that hasn’t been completely corrupted by the times or by development fever. A place pretty much anyone in the family could conceivably show up after an investment goes bad or a home is lost or a divorce takes place. A place a confused or frightened young person in the family could come and get their head straight before re-embarking on the adulthood trip they had been bumped off of by life.

What I am describing is no less than the assurance everyone desires and covets when they see it in someone else, whether they know what to call this feeling or not. No matter how far I stretch, I am tethered to the land my mom bought with me in mind. And I can’t wait to show up there when my wandering shoes have worn down to the sole.

Saving a million dollars and retiring. I like that.

Going home to mom… Love it.

Tags: #family homes, #going home, #planning for your future, #retirement