Guest Blog Post: Confessions of a Mom Almost 40, Raising Three Kids Under Age 6 by Summer Blackhurst

The great thing about having my babies in my mid 30’s was spending a decade and a half, more than many 20 something moms, having the figure of an athlete and the schedule of a world traveler.

Triathlons, mountain biking, water skiing, hiking, races, rollerblading – boy did I look and feel great!  My time was full of weekend trips and week long tours to exotic places both in and outside of the United States. ‘Who would give that up?!’

I did…..just like a lot of other moms who did not have their babies in their 20s. The reason I did not marry earlier was because it took me five years to convince my on again off again boyfriend that I was the one. Meanwhile, I was sweating bullets wondering if I was ever going to experience motherhood.

I knew I wanted babies, but I don’t know that I truly thought through the logistics. Exhaustion, morning sickness, financial stress, getting along with the hubby, raising particularly spirited children and the endless sibling fights….it all looked so much more glamorous in my 20s (aka life without kids).

Now, here I am, 38 years old and in my PJs ’til noon. My laundry always piled on the furniture, endless bickering, dirty dishes, runny noses, and midnight wakings.

I know this isn’t so atypical, and the 20 something moms are all doing it too. The difference is, it wasn’t a huge hit to their psyche – at least I don’t think it was.

I didn’t jump from high school to college, to finding true love, to having babies right away. I went from high school to college, to a job and onto a better job, and then a better job. I was even looking at some graduate degree programs before my life changed direction.

I used to have my morning workout done by 6:30 a.m., and I was dressed to the tens and out the door by 7:30 a.m. I returned home with a big fat check, and could spend it freely.

Now, instead of lifting weights every morning, I’m packing on the weight. It’s hard not to feel left out and less than beautiful everyday. I hardly ever dress to the tens anymore, and I feel accomplished when I sneak a minute in to apply mascara before my husband gets home from work.

My time was my own. I used to be able to decide when I was going to leave the house, and I would leave right then!  That was before I wound up scrambling for a tiny pair of shoes that somehow always ends up separated and under a bed or in a sofa cushion.

Oh the places I’ve seen. The beaches I visited. The living volcanoes, the deep valleys, and cross country road trips I’ve experienced. None of those trips make sense anymore. I tried a road trip to San Diego once with two babies – ‘shoot me now!’  To get there it took twice as long, and the crying was enough to drive you mad. Maneuvering the expense of five plane tickets into our budget seems pretty impossible too for now.

The biggest change though, the difference that makes it all worth it…..my heart is full. I have never loved or sacrificed so much in my entire life. I have never smiled so much, ‘can they get any cuter?!’ All the sweet little things my kids come up with. Everyday they make me laugh. Then there are the tears; they have never flown so freely. My whole heart is wrapped up in them. They are my world. When I look into their eyes, which came from their daddy, and I see their smile, which came from me, I am humbled to know they are our little creations. My children are the greatest creations I have ever experienced. Better than any lava volcano or tropical beach.

As old as I feel parenting such young children, I have never felt so alive. Even if I am an older mare on the field with a bunch of ponies, I’ll gladly take the trade off.  I’ve found greener pastures as a mom.

Summer Blackhurst is 38 years old and took a crash course in parenting six years ago. She had her first boy, followed two years later by another boy, and then 18 months later by her bouncing baby girl. With three tiny people to take care of–AND with all that extra time she has—she is a writer, photographer, and a blogger and parenting/childcare researcher for Go Au Pair..