3 Tips for Parenting a Challenging Teen

Ask any parent about some of the most difficult times they’ve had parenting their children and you’ll typically hear them bring up the teenage years. After all, once children become teens they’re dealing with things such as an explosion of hormones, potential relationship challenges with friends, family members and romantic interests, plus an exposure to alcohol, drugs, bullying, and other possible negative influences.

While it’s very normal for teenagers to change quite a bit once they hit this formative time of life, some children can become particularly difficult. If you worry that you don’t even know your boy or girl any more, and have started to notice signs that they are going off the rails, the sooner you take action to help them the better  —  for their benefit and for yours. Read on for three strategies you can follow today to deal more effectively with a challenging teen.

Use Effective Communication

The first thing you need to do when handling a difficult son or daughter, particularly during highly-charged moments, is to remain calm and try not to exacerbate the situation. While of course it is often tough to stop yourself from losing your cool in the face of belligerent behavior, keep in mind that staying calm is more likely to result in a positive outcome.

Adding to a challenging situation with your own negative reaction can strain your relationship further and will only give your teen more reasons to lash out at you. Instead, take a few deep breaths, speak in a level tone, and lead by example.

In order to communicate effectively with your son or daughter, you must show them that you’re listening to them. This doesn’t mean that you agree with what they’re saying, or that you think any rude behavior is ok, but rather gives you chance to find out what they’re thinking and feeling. It also enables children to feel like they’re being heard and are accepted — something that all people want, no matter their age.

In addition to employing patience and using listening skills when dealing with a teenager who is being challenging, it also pays to regularly ask them how things are going, and if there is any particular support that they need. During conversations, try to repeat back what you’ve heard your child say, so that you can be sure you have properly understood them, and relay the fact that you can see that they are upset and/or that they’re finding things difficult at the moment.

Over time, your perseverance and use of helpful communication strategies will be more likely to encourage your child to open up to you than flying off the handle ever will.

Ascertain the Source of the Issue

Next, when you’re faced with a teenager who appears to be struggling at school, at home, or in other areas of their life, and whose behavior has really gone downhill, it is beneficial to try and define the problem they’re having and search for the source of the issue.

While the teenage years are typically difficult for all children, and can involve plenty of flux, a 180-degree change in personality or behavior is not the norm, and must be stemming from some reason. Try to find out if the issue is in just one area of your teen’s life or many (e.g. perhaps they’re being bullied at school, are struggling with school work or increasing anxiety about extra-curricular activities, or have started hanging out with new friends who are a bad influence).

Discovering what may be behind your child’s anger, sadness, depression, anxiety, or feelings of jealousy, inadequacy, and the like, can help you to figure out how to address the problem and help them move forward. If you’re really struggling to get information from your teen or to divine the issue yourself, think about speaking to their teachers, friends, coaches, doctors, and other possible contacts to see if any of those people can shed light on the matter.

Seek Outside Assistance

Lastly, do keep in mind that there are resources out there you can utilize if you need some help coping with and/or assisting your challenging teenager. For instance, you might like to join a parenting group or seek counseling to help you deal personally with the changes in your child’s moods, and to get ideas for other strategies you can use for dealing with your child.

You can also access outside assistance to work with your teen directly. Remember: doing so does not mean that you are failing as a parent or giving up on your child, but rather that you’re doing everything you can to help them.

There are various different avenues you can consider. If you feel that your child has really gone off the rails and/or needs to get away from an environment that is currently toxic for them, you might want to consider a therapeutic boarding school in Utah, California, Ohio or any other state where you reside. These facilities are designed specifically to work with teenagers who are having issues. Alternatively, you could also schedule your child for appointments with their school guidance counselor or other mental health practitioners.