The Caterpillar Transforms Into A Butterfly (the other view of your baby leaving for college) By Wendy Sue Noah

As I now prepare for my oldest child, Ocean, to leave in August for college, I am amazed by her beauty, her smarts, and her bright future!  Watching my baby transform into a butterfly, where she is going to continue to spread her wings and color her world and the world, I feel tremendous gratitude and happiness for her.

Am I going to miss her? Of course! Is that going to get in the way of her breaking out of her cocoon? Absolutely not! My role is to help her transformation go as smoothly as possible, with as little drama as necessary.

Let me give you a little background about me, as mother. See, I never wanted to be a mother. Believe it or not, as now I am a full-time dedicated single mom of a tribe of five!! Even growing up, when my girlfriends played with dolls and imagined that they were taking care of their babies, I was outdoors climbing trees and exploring life! You can even say that I was a tom boy.

So what happened to me was a drastic turn of events when I turned 30, and craved for a deeper spiritual life (as I felt like I was getting lost in having too much fun in San Francisco).  I then entered a cult for 10 years, and my supposedly “spiritual master” (who turned out to be an abusive sociopath) and I had five babies together. He did not believe in birth control because we had to give ourselves to God, and if God wanted us to have a child, then so it is.

Therefore, as a full-blown mother now, with 4 of my 5 as full-blown teens (Oy Vay!), I have a much different way of mothering than most mothers. In this case, when a child spreads their wings to go to college or to find a job and an apartment, it’s like a silent (or not so silent) mourning on the part of the mother, as if it is a loss instead of a HUGE gain. My mother was the same way! I remember when she dropped me off at college that first day and said goodbye, she was hyperventilating and crying out loud! She even started to get physically ill because her life was being my mother, and when I had gone, she didn’t have much left due to not nourishing her own God-given talents and friendships.

I’m also not the kind of mother to tell or order my children to be a certain way, or take on a specific career or college major. My understanding of life is that we all have our own unique gifts, and that should be exactly what we pursue, to share with others and to have that passion, that spark, guide our way. So Ocean is majoring in Creative Writing, with a minor in Business Administration, and I know her writings will give many great pleasure and inspiration.

Then there is this “empty nest” syndrome, in which many people have stated, since Ocean is on her way, that soon they will all be out of the home, and “it will be so quiet that you won’t know what to do with yourself!” OMG! Really? Sounds like a death sentence to me, do people really live this way?!

When my darling tribe is out in the world, being their amazing selves and making a difference, I will finally have time to nurture myself with regular hikes, visit friends and travel throughout the world, (and finally get to visit Nepal / India), spend some time in a log cabin in the middle of the woods with no internet, phone or TV, and on and on!! When I am at home in silence, it will give me the time to actually meditate and finally do nothing! Maybe by then, I may even be ready to go on to the website that I launched in 1995 in a San Francisco basement, and one in which I have a lifetime free membership, Match.Com, and meet someone who I can share the silence and unlimited free time with!

The only constant in life is change, so embrace it, bless it and most importantly, enjoy it, especially when it comes to your babies transforming into the beautiful colorful butterfly!