Miserable Mom – The Do’s and Don’ts of Sending Your Kid to College by Sharon L. Brecher (Book Excerpt)

Ch.1 – How it All Began 

Sending your child off to college is really hard – kind of like chopping off an arm and sending it to live somewhere else. But let’s be real. It’s not death or disease or world hunger. It’s worse! I’m kidding. Well, I am now that I have some perspective.

The idea of my child moving out of my house was incredibly overwhelming. So in order to cope, I did what I’ve done during previous rough patches and turned to friends, family, and those with experience for support. And you know what I noticed? I noticed that people sometimes say and do the dumbest things exactly at the time the one thing you really need is for them not to say and do the dumbest things. And you know what I did in response? What I have always done – I smiled and expressed appreciation knowing they were just trying to help.

The truth is, the insanity brought about by my fear of loneliness was sometimes exasperated by others, but usually it was my own feelings of insecurity reeling out of control that pulled me down the rabbit hole. However, sometimes without realizing it, people were hurtful or their advice seemed so insane it was comical.

Or what they said was valid and hit too close to home. And that can eat away at you, especially when you are already feeling vulnerable.

Well, preparing my daughter for college had me in a constant state of this questioning. I questioned everything, even those things that I knew were right for me and for my daughter.

Sometimes I have been quite appropriate in my responses to those around me. Other times not so much. Sometimes my crazy slips out. And I’ve seen it happen to others, as well.

Luckily, I am able to share with my husband, Dan, all of those injustices that haunt me. He tells me to unleash my inner New Yorker and speak up, instead of keeping my feelings bottled inside. And the truth is, sometimes what I wanted to say or do in the moment really wasn’t rational or appropriate. But that didn’t stop me from thinking about it. And sometimes my inner thoughts really were just laughable.

My kids and I have always been extremely close, and I knew in my head that wouldn’t change when my daughter, Sydney, went to college. But I was still terrified, even though my son, Jared, would be home for a few more years.

With college life approaching, I also knew there would be some benefits. I was beyond thankful that my son would still be home for three more years, and that Dan and I would have the opportunity for real alone time with him. But I was gonna’ miss her. We all were. And I was feeling the loss. I knew I’d have to deal with it, and I really knew it was going to be okay. But it was hard.

The truth is I’m a pretty positive person, and people tend to think I’m very sweet. Dan tells me his friends ask him if we ever fight. They know the social me. But I have another side that only a lucky few get to witness.

The following scenarios are based on real situations. As you maneuver the stormy waters of sending your own child to college, I hope having the following twisted images in your head can help keep the tears at bay while you traverse these incredibly emotional, yet exciting waters.

The events I experienced, and sage advice I received, while on the journey of sending my oldest child, my baby, out of my house and across the country to college unleashed a roller coaster of emotions. Miserable Mom allows me to juxtapose the appropriate responses with my less appropriate fantasies as I confronted some of those situations. I think they’re both valuable. You be the judge.

About the Author
Sharon L. Brecher is a mom-blogger, writer, illustrator, wife, and Miserable Mom. Her first book, Miserable Mom: The Do’s and Don’ts of Sending Your Kid to College, calls out the absurdities of this stage of motherhood with a wry sense of humor and a self-deprecating wink to her own place in the emotional merry-go-round.

You can follow Sharon’s comical perspective on navigating the often-humorous balance of raising young adults while maneuvering mid-life on her popular Instagram page @MiserableMoms and her website www.MiserableMoms.com.

Tags: college, miserable mom, raising a teen