The Perfect Storm – by Cara Potapshyn Meyers

The ideal title for my blog as Hurricane Sandy is currently whipping through our area, uprooting trees on a friend’s property and dropping trees from nowhere on my next door neighbor’s driveway. Schools are closed, most stores are closed, and more of a concern for me, medical offices are closed.

I was supposed to get a biopsy done today on “something” attached to my right ovary. I got a call from a nurse at 6:30 am advising me that the gynecological office would be closed today and tomorrow, but that I could reschedule for Friday. Unfortunately, I can’t go on Friday because I have to go to court. I was originally told that this biopsy was not an emergency, but was “urgent.” However, with so many outside disruptions, I am quietly at the point of, “why bother.”

I’m very conflicted by all of this. I went through almost six months of “nirvana” and no inkling of period-related problems in sight. Then I dealt with the “staining” issue I wrote about in September. Now another recent “staining” occurrence happened a week ago. My Gynocologist doesn’t like these frequent “staining” occurrences because they are so contrary to my lab work results, too close together in time, and may be directly linked to the “thing” they found on my ovary.

This also brings back some very painful and confusing memories. My mother was deep into menopause when, out-of-the-blue, she began bleeding. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She died when I just turned 19.

This “staining” with something on my ovary is highly disconcerting. It not only brings back excruciating memories, it is severely clouding my decision making. My doctor would not be making such an “urgent” deal out of this if it weren’t somewhat of a true concern to her. She did say that when she did the biopsy, if she “didn’t like what she saw with the ovary,” she wanted to remove the ovary at the same time. I agreed because I ultimately want them both removed anyway. We were just hoping that it could be done when my ovaries were completely in menopause so that their removal would not disrupt any other hormones in my body. I am worried that by removing an ovary, even a bit prematurely, may put my body into a tailspin. I already have “half dead” adrenal glands and take timed hormones that the adrenal gland would normally secrete throughout the day. My thyroid gland is not up to par, thus the need to take thyroid hormones. My pancreas is compromised, needing medicine to regulate insulin (another hormone). I think you get the picture. I really don’t need any more hormonal disruptions right now, thank you very much.

On the flip side, what if this “thing” is a menace? What if I end up needing some chemo or radiation? Watching my mother suffer through chemo treatments: retching, vomiting, losing her hair, fatigued, pale…do I want to go through that? My answer has always been “no.” Do I also want my child to witness that? Again, the answer is “no.” Do I want to see my son grow up and watch his dreams unfold? Yes. But at what cost? I don’t have an answer for that. My son wants to go to Hawaii some day. Maybe we can both go together while I am well enough and gather enough precious moments and memories to fill the rest of our days together, and then some. 

It is too early to make any rash decisions or suppositions. Whatever will be, will be. I just like to always be prepared. Especially for the Perfect Storm.

Tags: biopsy, chemotherapy, Hawaii, hormones, Hurricane Sandy, mother, ovarian cancer, ovary growth, ovary removal, radiation, son