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Adventures in Attachment Parenting: Feeling The Pressure by Allison Silver


It seems like everywhere I turn lately all anyone is talking about is having a second child. Not only is it the primary topic of conversation amongst many of the moms that I hang out with but I’ve also seen it mentioned in a few well known parenting magazines lately as well. To say the least I am feeling a bit bombarded!

I love the moms I hang out with because we have similar beliefs on parenting but in many of my social circles I am one of the oldest, if not THE oldest mom in the group. Many of the moms I hang out with are in their early thirties and are very concerned that they need to have baby number two before they are too old. Too old! What does that even mean? I guess it depends on who you ask. For many of the moms around me I would assume thirty-five is their magic number. Why thirty-five? Most likely because that is the age that the medical community has dubbed the “magic age.” After thirty-five you are considered advanced maternal age. What a nice title, right? And with that title comes all of the perks of additional testing and screenings from the beloved medical community. Just the sound of that could make one a bit apprehensive!

For most of us older moms having children wasn’t even on our radar until somewhere around the “magic age!” So what about the second one? Where do we squeeze them in? I am quite comfortable with being an older mom but lately I have found myself getting sucked into these fears and I catch myself wondering if I should be more concerned. Do these women know something that I don’t? Should we hurry up and have a second child? Am I getting…….too old?

Just as these thoughts are racing through my head and beginning to get the best of me, I take a deep breath and turn to MorherhoodLater as a source of support. So many of the stories and blogs that I read from day to day on MotherhoodLater inspire me and help to remind me that motherhood should not be tied to a certain age! I am reminded that although I might be getting older that does not mean that having a second child is out of reach. Many women have children after thirty-five and some don’t even start their families till closer to forty. Heck, I still got lots of time!!

In all honesty we would like to have a second child but neither my husband or myself are ready to consider baby number two just yet. We have agreed that perhaps in a year we will begin to try again but that all depends on Charley. I don’t think having a baby right now would be best for her. She just needs me too much and I really feel that her needs triumph any irrational fears that I might have. I have taken so much time to develop a strong attachment wth her that I wouldn’t want to do anything to jeopardize that attachment or put a strain on our relationship.

There is no need to rush. At least I don’t think so. But having another child is a very personal decision and just like any ther topic in parenting everyone seems to have an opinion about it! Some think you shoud have children closer together while others belive waiting a few years is best. And just like everything else in parenting there is no right or wrong answer. We all do what we think is best for our families and sometimes mother nature surprises us. I am quite certain that if I trust my instincts and put my child’s needs first everything will work out like it should. Perhaps that’s me being the eternal optomist. But hey it’s worked this far so why stop now?

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  1. 4 Responses to “Adventures in Attachment Parenting: Feeling The Pressure by Allison Silver”

  2. You say “there is no need to rush”, but I’ll disagree with that statement in part. I am forty years old and about to expect my first child in six weeks. It took me two rounds of IVF to get pregnant. I was naive about the reality of fertility, as there are so many celebrities of “advanced” age having babies. I had no idea that almost all of them are used infertility treatments, however.

    I’m not sure if we’ll want a second child or even if I will be able to conceive a second child.

    I’ll agree that there should be no rush for you if you are uncertain if you want a second child or not. But if you are sure, then there certainly is a rush, as the window of fertility is very small.

    Best of luck to you!

    By Amapola on May 16, 2013

  3. You just outed your self about your age lol. I would have never guessed you were in your 30s, i thought you were closer to my age, like 24 or 25 lol. Doctors do not know everything, the 35 “magic number” is just their estimate taken from a small group of women, not all of them. The real range could be anywhere from 25 to 45 in reality. Every woman is different and ages differently. You have a youthfulness about you that goes way beyound any doctors limited knowlege.

    By Marguerite Maldonado on May 17, 2013

  4. Allison, I hope my own blogs do not contribute to how overwhelmed you feel. If it’s any consolation, this new little one was absolutely not on purpose, and I’m already feeling the heat of summer coming on. My husband, trying to be helpful, put FLANNEL sheets on the bed the other day when he changed the linens!

    By Heather on May 18, 2013

  5. Allison, when I tried to conceive at age 39, my feeling was, if it is meant to be, it will be. If it’s not, so be it. My husband and I were not going to do IVF. Well, I conceived immediately. And look at Heather! She didn’t even know she was pregnant! Look at Halle Berry…she conceived at 46!! When and if the time is right, both you and your husband will know it. And the two of you are the only ones whose opinions matter! :)

    By Cara Potapshyn Meyers on May 18, 2013