Dear Baby H by Elizabeth Dodson

I am writing this as I sit in your nursery, in the glider, nursing pillow across my lap, you on top of said pillow, snuggled into my breast and sound asleep. This is our morning ritual. Every morning – except the weekends, when we hike and take the dog to the beach- you and I spend your morning nap just snuggling. Initially I was forced into it- you wouldn’t let me put you down in the crib and I needed you to nap so I stayed with you. But now I’m addicted to the snuggles. Addicted to watching your many sweet sleepy facial expressions as you change through sleep cycles. Addicted to just holding you close and telling you how much I love you and knowing that this is one thing I am sure I will never regret doing. And feeling so lucky that I get to do this every day with you.

So, here’s the wisdom part: hold your baby. Snuggle him/her and enjoy every single moment you get to snuggle that sweet baby. Don’t worry about the dishes or the laundry or the emails or the bills or the every other stress in the world. Just enjoy that baby. People tell you this but they somehow mean it for only a few months. Then the baby is growing so quickly and you have to get back to life and now you’re spoiling the baby or creating bad habits and the baby needs to learn independence; don’t listen to any of that. Just snuggle your baby and enjoy it. Today you’re one week away from being 10 months. And here we are. Still. Snuggling and loving it!  And here’s another bit of wisdom: anything done through love will never be a mistake or create a bad habit.

I think back on how quickly things have changed and how fast time has gone since you were born. I know that I will miss these naps someday when you are too old to need this nap. That time is coming much too soon. I already miss those many snuggles we had throughout the days when you were tiny and oh so young. I know that I will always cherish this time. I will always think back on this time and miss it and treasure having taken the time to enjoy it. This is one thing I know I will never regret doing. Is it a luxury?  Some people think so. But I certainly am not in a financial situation to be able to enjoy luxuries.  It’s a choice. It’s a choice of what is important. Owning a home. Having three cars. Having a room full of presents for Christmas. These are important to some people. These are choices. They “need” these things for their children.

Sometimes I feel unsuccessful or unaccomplished because I have given up these things and many others because I want to be home with you. But then I think about reality. This is the best, most satisfying and interesting and exciting and fun “job” I have ever had. I love being a mom so much more than I ever imagined I would. And even the tough nights or challenging days are still a billion times better than any amount of stuff would ever be because I have you and the time I get with you. I have you in the middle of the night reach for my hand, pull it into your chest, rest your head on my breast and let out a deep sigh as you fall asleep. I used to have a hard time getting comfortable with you next to me in bed. Now I hate sleeping without you there. You curled up into my chest and me curled around you.

And I have you being silly and sometimes mischievous. You’ll look at me out of the corner of your eye with a little smirk on your face just before taking off to do something naughty. And then there’s your laugh. The laugh I get when you’re being super silly and find me extremely funny (thank you!). It’s a deep belly laugh. Roaring, screeching, infectious. It makes my day. I can’t imagine any thing or amount of money or house or trip even (though I will be working hard to figure out a way for me to stay home with you AND allow us all to travel a lot together) that could possibly come close to making me feel the way I feel spending time with you.

So maybe I’m selfish?  I hope not. I believe this time is good for you too. I guess we’ll see what you have to say about it in a couple decades.

Love,

Mom