Does Your Status Change When You Become a Mother? by Stacey Honowitz

Everyday we are bombarded with television shows  and magazines articles  about “moms”. It seems to be very important, catchy, and popular to include the phrase “and she’s a mom” associated with it. Every headline about a celebrity seems to include “her baby bump” or her “post baby body”. In this day and age it is extremely hip and not frowned upon to start a family on your own. Many women go forward in the process of having a baby without the aid of a husband or a boyfriend. Our society has become (thankfully) accepting of the single mom who was single when  she became a mom rather than being a single mom through divorce. Accordingly we have marketed certain things to the “mother industry”.

Now many of you might ask “what’s the difference if we finally get the recognition that we deserve? Finally “moms” have a good reputation. Finally, a mother’s hard work is paying off.. I agree one thousand percent, I just have observed that many people tend to take our mom status and make it seem like we had to change our whole lives once we became parents. The more I read, the more I believe that this is what is going on in everyone else’s head.  I think this is what they are saying to themselves.”Well, now that you are a mom… ” Now that I am a mom, what? What is so different about me the person, now that I have a child? Granted we are aware that certain things need to change, that’s just common sense, but why do people need to put us into a different class because we gave birth?

I think what annoys me the most is the idea that some people feel like their  old life is over now that they are “moms”.  I know that many of them do feel that way, because I do hear  many women trying to escape from the world of motherhood. Before everyone goes crazy, it is the truth. I have heard plenty of women say, they can’t wait until their kid goes to camp, can’t wait to “get out for the night’ and if divorced “for their dad to take them”. There is no doubt that being a mom is challenging, and can be difficult. The responsibility is enormous, and the rewards bar none. What I think happens though, is that society and even other women seem to think that when you become a mother you loose a sense of your old life. I think sometimes we are treated with less respect because I  don’t think that once you become a mom you say adios to your old life.  

What I tend to see is just that. If you look around you will see that moms are told “where to get the best mom gifts”, where to go for the best “mom getaway” where to get the “best mommy’s night out'” almost as if we became really dumb once we became parents. Some might say that you are now in a different class and so we are giving you options. We are excited that you are now a mother, and we are providing for you all the ‘”mommy things to do”. If you look around there are hundreds of blogs about moms, parenting etc. I think that is fabulous. I think that moms and parents should share their knowledge with other parents. Its important. I just don’t think that you need to tell moms all the basic things to do. 

I don’t know why I feel strongly about this, I think its because I was getting feedback from people who I thought were upset that they had to give up a life. Instead of embracing the changes they always try to step back and almost make it seem that they will do anything to hang on what they used to have. Maybe I have been coming into contact with some selfish people. Maybe I am tired of hearing “ugh are you taking the kids?” Maybe I think that some people do believe our brains switch modes when we have children. Maybe the idea of an “escape from your kid “night just didn’t sit well with me. Maybe I need to stop reading into everything and taking it personally. We shouldn’t change once we become parents. I think our bad habits certainly should, but you should never declare that you are any better or any worse than anyone else because you are a “mom.”