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Enough About That, Now Why Am I Here? by Dina Ramon


Now that I have been officially welcomed into the Motherhood Later… community with the launch last Thursday of my first weekly blog post, I suppose I should introduce myself, my family, and provide some insight as to why I am doing this – blogging about motherhood, that is.

For a snapshot of my history….After many years living and working in Washington, DC, I married in my late 30s – just celebrated my 12th wedding anniversary – and gave birth to my one-and-only child in my early 40s. My precious daughter was born one week before my birthday and she was, and continues to be, the best birthday present of my life.

Having said that, I do sometimes feel that I ‘stand out,’ am ‘special,’ ‘different,’ however one might want to call it, being that I am the mother of an ‘only’ and am definitely one of the oldest, if not the oldest mom in the local elementary school where my daughter is about to finish second grade. I know that the choice to have an only is on the rise, and I am personally thrilled with my own situation but still sense that others negatively question it and can’t fathom having only one child. It seems that 3 kids is the ‘magic’ number these days. I know that on only works for me (and my husband), so I most definitely look beyond any off-putting vibes I sense from others.

Of course, along with parenting in general, having an only child and being an older mom does have its particular challenges – am I too smothering? Do I play with her enough? Will she develop a sense of loneliness as she grows up? What if I develop a chronic illness? How do I avoid becoming old and grumpy and someone she doesn’t want to be around? Why am I too dumb in math to help her with her homework?…. (although that last one applies to my life in general, not just parenting). I hope that the experiences, dilemmas, and personal triumphs I share about nurturing and guiding this little person as she grows up and learns about life, will resonate with other moms.

So as a new, regular contributor to Motherhood Later… I plan to mix it up on the challenges of parenting life, my new “working for myself from home” situation, and my transition into the parental ‘sandwich’ – which for me means checking in on my elderly parents from afar and visiting them as often as possible, while raising my own child. What I learn along the way will, I hope, engage and strengthen the Motherhood Later…community, and do the same for me!  

 

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  1. One Response to “Enough About That, Now Why Am I Here? by Dina Ramon”

  2. Welcome Dina! We are so glad to have you!!

    First off, I am also an “only child.” I came from a middle class family, was never “spoiled,” and have learned that only children happen to be high achievers, have high self esteems and are very successful in their lives.

    I also had my “only child” son 3 hours before I turned 40, so I was blessed with the only birthday present I will need for my entire life! My son is very outgoing and ironically has mostly “only child” friends. Only children are much more common today. I could list a dozen “later” Mom friends who have “onlies.” It is far more common today than it was 40 years ago.

    Yes, there is a huge challenge as your own parents needs supersede yours or your child’s. I decided that between having a son (girls seem to take on the caretaker role more instinctively), and him being an Only, I am not going to burden him with my medical problems down the road (another characteristic onlies have – they are extremely self sufficient), stick me into a nice Assisted Living Facility or Nursing Home and I’ll do the rest. I want my son to have a full life. I’ve spent at least a third of my life taking care of ailing parents and their demise.

    Also, as an older Mom, you are able to give to your child and nurture far better than if you had 2 or more. I know of a young mother who just had her fourth child; the second youngest had his first birthday a month ago, her second oldest is only 15 months older than the third, thankfully, the oldest is almost 5. When you have 3 little ones so close in age, how can you truly give of yourself to each one. It’s almost like having triplets.

    Onlies are a gift. In ways you can only imagine. Trust me. Growing up in an age when onlies were practically nonexistent, families have come a long way. My mother always told me that I was very special to be an only and I came to believe that I was and am special as a result. My son never has asked why he doesn’t have siblings either because most of his friends are Onlies and/or because he has such an overpowering personality, he would make sure any siblings he had would know he was the “King” of the siblings. He doesn’t even have much tolerance for his younger cousins.

    So, to wind up this long-winded blog comment, enjoy your daughter. Kids will pick up on your worries about them as Onlies. My mother was essentially also an only. Her sister died during childhood. So perhaps because my mother was so comfortable being an only, I never second guessed my own “Onliness.” And perhaps that’s why my son is so comfortable being an “only.” It is so natural, it is a non-issue.

    Just don’t have this conversation with my MIL…you’ll get an earful!!

    By Cara Meyers on May 18, 2012