Fun — by Robin

Why does it sometimes feel as if fun is so short-lived?

Seth and I had a terrific time away in Asheville, and since we’ve gotten home, life has felt full of challenges. It’s amazing how things can seemingly turn on a dime.

Earlier this week I was out to lunch at the diner with my senior dad and his live-in aide…the same day he had two doctor appointments….follow-ups from his recent hospital stay. All was ok, he told me the doctors said. Then, just the next day, my father called me to say he was calling a car service to take him to the hospital because he was severely constipated.

I thought we were done for now with the hospital and my father, and I was grateful.

Why didn’t he say anything to either doctor or me that he was struggling that day in the bathroom department? Why did he wait until it became a dire matter? It’s like having another child….one who is 91…..and can’t take care of himself.

Just yesterday I had a physical myself because it’s time, and I haven’t been feeling up to par since our trip. I await the results of the blood work and am trying not to be overly anxious about it. The raging hormones of perimenopause can cause many symptoms, I’m aware. Not to mention stress.

Then, we had a meeting at my son’s school, and he’s having some challenges which we need to address.

I also found out that a good friend of mine….a nurse…..slipped and fell at work on a wet floor and fractured a bone in her knee, and she’s now out on workman’s compensation, yet she was scheduled to retire early next month and go to Ireland, which she may not now be able to do.

And, let’s add to the pot that my mother-in-law tore something in her arm….and is awaiting MRI results.

I was speaking on the phone with a friend today who said that maybe I should consider taking something like Lexapro. That she took it when she went through a particularly rough period, and it helped take some of the edge off. And, she’s not a pill popper, nor am I. We both tend to be more holistically minded. So, I don’t know………

When did life get so complicated? So unpredictable. I used to welcome the unpredictable because it felt full of promise.

Now I ask…..

Where’s the fun?

Where’s the peace?

I don’t have enough of either at the moment.

Can I jump on a plane back to Asheville and leave all this behind?

I should at least jump on the meditation bandwagon.

A friend said I need to consider revamping my life. Maybe do less? But, I don’t think that’s the issue for me. I like being busy. It’s better than bored. But, anxiety-ridden is something else.

I’m at the point where it’s about somehow accepting that this is what midlife is …especially when you’re living the sandwich generation (which I’ve blogged about before.) But, I need to find the joy and not just the responsibility and uncertainty of it all. It’s so beyond my control. All I can control is my reaction to it. I don’t want to walk around feeling like I’m carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. I know things could be worse. But, I could personally use a dose of nurturing right now….and some genuine belly laughs.