Guest Blog Post & Book Giveaway: Parenting and LIfe in the Fast Lane by Erik R. Robertson
I once had a female colleague who had her first baby when she was 40. Needless to say, she had been inundated with well meant advice and more so, with people’s fears related to her age. You know what she told me? ‘’Erik, tell everyone out there it was/is no problem!’’.
So, I am happy to share that with all you moms (to be) out there. Of course, we all know, that motherhood (at any age) is full of ups-and-downs, and comes with its own unique blessings and challenges.
In my opinion, many challenges can be met by staying aware and conscious. Aware of your thoughts, your breathing or lack of it! Focus on staying grounded. Babies and children watch our every move, and if our thoughts, deeds and words are not in harmony, they notice and they (usually) respond in the only manner that they know: by acting out and displaying behavior that we often tend to classify as ‘’problem behavior’’. So it is always really important to look in the mirror first, before ‘’fixing’’ something out there (with them) rather than seeing what they are mirroring.
Furthermore, parenting (and life) is all about Love! Love is all about unconditional acceptance of yourself, your child(ren) and your partner. Now, that is not always easy for us….love is easy when all is going well, however, when stress kicks in, in whatever form, tension, fear, anxiety and all kinds of judgement tend to start sticking to us, and slowly but surely love walks out the door, and that is not a good place to be! Our children sense this immediately and will tend to overcompensate by acting in undesirable ways or by Parentification, which means they unconsciously worry about what they perceive as our lack of parenting and decide that they will try and act like parents.
So, on the hand one hand, unconditional love is needed of ourselves (yes, especially when you are feeling unworthy!), and of our children, especially when they are acting out. This unconditional love is not about unconditional love of our children’s behavior! Not at all. We need to be discerning and be clear about what behavior we do and do not accept. This is what I call ‘’Tough Love’’ or the Law aspect of my Love and Law model©.
Often we tend to think that if we are being harsh, critical and/or punish (I know even that word can sound scary right) our children that we are not being loving…
The opposite is true! If as a parent you are not being harsh and dealing out consequences when called for, you are not being loving! In other words, as long as your heart is full of love, you can be strict and harsh if it is to serve your children.
Society outside the home, is full of rules, consequences, punishment and limits. Boundaries are an unavoidable part of life. To then treat our parenting as something that does not need boundaries and consequences is just not possible.I know this can be hard, and feelings of guilt can cripple us when we need to be firm and strong..but keep the faith. You are deputized as parents to be the best you can and need to be, and that means playing every role, when it it is in your children’s best interest.
Wishing you Happy Parenting!
BOOK GIVEAWAY: MOTHERHOODLATER.COM is giving away two copies of Oops! To enter, write [email protected]. Put OOPS! in the Subject Line, and tell us why you’d like to win the book. Winners will be notified via email. Please be sure to include your full name and full mailing address.
For 15 years, Erik R. Robertson had a successful Parenting practice as an Educational Psychologist in The Netherlands. He worked with thousands of parents from all walks of life and from all nations. He also gave Parenting workshops at The American School of The Hague (ASH) and The International School of Amsterdam (ISA). He currently gives worldwide Talks and Workshops on Parenting. Based on his extensive research and experience, he has written the book, Oops! The Parenting Handbook: I wish I had known this before… It is Erik’s mission to Inspire, Support and Empower Parents with his loving yet down-to-earth and practical book. For more on parenting, his book, FREE parenting tips, FREE ebook ‘’ Successful Living Successful Relationships’’ and a FREE chapter download of Oops!, visit www.oopstheparentinghandbook.com.
One Response to “Guest Blog Post & Book Giveaway: Parenting and LIfe in the Fast Lane by Erik R. Robertson”
I was 40 when I had my first child. I told my psychologist my intentions of having a child, and he said “you know there is a reason why women give birth in their 20’s.” Well that furrowed my eyebrows. I proceeded forth to have a kid. Best thing I ever did. I was married a (widow now), settled down, financially stable, great career. I would take my kids to the parks, and 99% of the younger moms were sitting under trees on their cell phones. I’m the one going down the slides, making up games for all the kids to join in. Santa furrowed my eyebrows as well calling me “grandma” when my son was one. I do discipline my kids, but found out that taking them into a private area, sitting down next to them, start out with saying “you know I love you, but…” Just explaining what they did was wrong, and if some one treated them that way, how would they feel? Listen, to their words too. Acknowledge, that they are just kids that do not possess the terminology to deal with some situations, therefore through frustration their reactions can be not-so-good. Give them the words and solutions that they needed and will need in the future. They are taught to shake hands upon greeting people, say thank you, open doors for any gender, offer their seats to grown ups. Don’t sweat the small stuff and be kind. It is important to hear and recognize their feelings, and guide them on to that high road without them belittling others that did not get the tools needed to go there.
By chrain frost on Jul 20, 2015