Hormone Cocktail Blues

While I’m getting so much better with mommyhood in general (as long as I have a babysitter coming in 4 hours a day), the physical/mental/emotional part is all jumbled up by hormones constantly in flux. I just stopped pumping breastmilk for baby a week or so ago – something that was an incredibly tough decision fraught with guilt – and now my nearly stable hormones are off the charts.

So the only thing that seems to help is working. I have so many assignments and deadlines now that I can barely breathe, but at least my brain is on a single track: writing. Somehow, work has become my therapy. But while this means I am on the route to being productive, it also means I’m a bit frantic. It is a little like taking speed to pull an all-nighter to complete an assignment only to wake up the next morning with a headache and a chaotic mess instead of the brilliant work you thought you had produced. Someone out there knows what I mean.

Anyway, I may be going back on progesterone for a month to see if it helps to even me out. That is on top of about 8 other vitamins, minerals and supplements I’m taking to try to convince my brain that it should go back to normal instead of staying in hormone overdrive.

Meanwhile, baby turns 1 today. When I say “I can’t believe it has been a year,” it isn’t that “wow, she’s already a year – time is going by so quickly” but is more like “I can’t believe I’ve survived a year of this.” And I can’t believe she has survived a year of me as her mom. I should start saving for her therapy bills!