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How Mark Hoppus’ “ability-biased” tribute to later mom Kourtney Kardashian’s man Travis Barker was so… parting shot in Gemini by Pamela Francis


Gemini season is slinking out the door and due to Pisces’ interference (colluding with Saturn), this year’s 30 days was less of a party than others usually are. Basically, 6/21 ends it, and this time it just came too soon. Still, you can’t leave without a party favor, so here is my pick for the Best Parting Shot on the Sun’s Way Out of Gemini season ’23: Mark Hoppus to an audience of several thousand at a June 16 Blink182 concert in California.

But wait, some context. In the grab bag of male triggers, dicks still or not working is a persistent item. This comment took place at a punk rock concert (presumably very testosterony) where Travis performed with the hot drummer’s entire family in tow (that’s how they roll), one of them specifically, his we-thought-nobody-knew-she-was pregnant-AND-we-thought-she-couldn’t-do-it wife: Your Highness, Kourtney Mary Kardashian Barker.

For those of you who were never quite good at those hidden pictures puzzles, here’s where the cat-scratching meows start. Caitlyn’s dick got retired like an old Jersey and reemerged as the trophy-in-glass-case, responsible for those lovely Jenner girls (and Brody and them).

And though it produced Mason, Penelope, AND Reign, Scott’s dick was already thrown under the bus a few seasons back for needing testosterone implants (not a real procedure, that I know of, but you get the gist). They were telling us then where that high-pitched whine was coming from.

Kanye’s, Travis Scott’s, and Tristan Thompson’s dicks work, but probably too much, and in a bad way (no racial) (yeah, right). Corey, because of the rule of three, I’m leaving you out of this, but we saw Kris get her hips replaced last year.

So, we have Hoppus — whose dick may itself be out of commission, though he’s reportedly in REmission. (Check with CHATGPT. I don’t keep track of such things.)

The point is, according to Mark Hoppus: Travis is The Man. His “dick still works” at 47, and the proof is in the bun in that 44-yr-old oven. Not the elephants in the room.

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