How to Create a Strong Bond With a Surrogate by Taylor Will

For many hopeful parents, the fertility process can be an exhausting and emotional battle. You may have already tried IVF and applied for adoption and are still waiting for the family that you dream of. Many who have used a surrogate to have a child say that the process is a rewarding one that is filled with complex relationships.

Using a surrogate may not seem like the best choice for everyone, but with time, the process has become refined and easier for all parties involved.  A surrogate can help you create a family that may have been impossible by other methods.

If you are considering a surrogate, make sure you do your homework and find out as much as you can about the process.  For everything that you need to know about surrogacy, click here for more information.

To develop a healthy relationship with your surrogate, you need to focus on four important aspects: trust, communication, setting boundaries and being flexible. Let’s take a look how these elements can help you create a strong bond with your surrogate.


The nature of the surrogate process is one that needs to have high levels of trust. You are depending on another person to carry and deliver your child, and the surrogate is hoping to be treated respectfully and fairly. Too much micromanagement can lead to tension. The parents and the surrogate must sincerely put their trust in the process and each other. All parties need to believe that the best interests of the child are the most important consideration.


The surrogacy process can be a long one with many ups and downs. Open communication about how everyone is feeling is an important part of the bonding process, so remember to be genuine and honest about your feelings.  There are counselors available to help guide and establish clear expectations from the parents and surrogate.


There are many emotions and ties that can sometimes blur the boundaries between parent and surrogate. It is an emotionally complex situation that can be a challenge to maintain. Boundaries are different for every family, but should be agreeable on all sides. Let the relationship form naturally and be open and forthright about your comfort level. Relationships change as they grow, and boundaries can be altered as it suits your family.


Surrogates have their own lives and often families to deal with during the process. It is important to let them live as normally as possible and make easy adjustments to the plan when possible. Learning to strike a fair compromise will go a long way to maintaining a strong relationship. Being able to adapt as the process changes as a “family” can go a long way to making the surrogacy process go smoothly.

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