Love is in the Air, Can you Feel It? by Wendy Sue Noah

Happy Valentines Day! If you have a partner or a spouse, then it is a wonderful time for you to celebrate and honor your intimate connection and love. A toast for you two!

If you don’t have a significant other to celebrate with, you may feel kind of lonely on a celebratory day for lovers? OK, I hear you. Let’s discuss further…

I’m going to start with a profound quote which I find truth, from a book I highly recommend:

“Paradoxically, the ability to be alone is the condition for the ability to love.”
― Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving

We are taught to believe that we are not complete in and of ourselves, without a partner by our side. Truth behold, we are not complete without being able to love ourselves, really, truly and not just in theory. When we love who we are, from the inside out, our gifts and our imperfections, when we can truly be OK with ourselves that is when we are ready for an authentic partnership!

I’ve actually got some professional experience to back this up, as well as personal. My most exhilarating career choice was to be a part of the then start-up, Match.Com. It was back in 1995, and we launched it on to the “new” internet as the first online matchmaking service! People thought we were crazy, as why would they use a computer to find a partner?! Yes, that was a big hurdle for us to overcome at that time.

As a start-up, we all had to wear many different hats to keep things going and growing. One of my many hats was interacting with subscribers, helping them with their profiles and answering the many questions that come forth with a dating service. What I learned at this time was so powerful, so poignant, that I have to share it with you.

The men and women who felt incomplete until they found their perfect “match,” was setting themselves up for constant disappointment and frustration. The ones that were OK with themselves as a person, and as a single person, had a much easier time with the rejections and the connections.

I am so grateful for this learning, as it has helped me significantly in my personal life. Fast forward twenty years, and here I am, a single mom with a tribe of five (yes, I call them my tribe). So many people, including my well-meaning dad, exclaim that I need a man to help me, that I can’t do it alone. Now I’m not going to go feminist on you here, because it’s really not about gender. It’s about finding my place in my heart, where I am really OK with my self and with my present reality.

Yes, of course it will be easier and much more helpful to have a man in our lives. Yet, at the same time, I do not “need” a man to make my life whole and complete. I have love in my heart. Love = God.

I am surrounded by so much love from my tribe and from friends and nature. Love is all around me in abundance, and I feel it daily!

Now I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Last Valentine’s Day, I had my first romantic celebration in over two decades, with a handsome and wealthy man that I dated off and on for a few years. He bought me flowers, took me out for a delicious lunch and expressed his fondness for me. It felt GREAT!

As life has it, especially mine, I was not able to fit into his single extravagant lifestyle, or him into my single mom frugal lifestyle. So we have chosen to go our own ways, with love in our hearts.

So whether you are “single” or not, you can always feel the love all around you. Look for it by being it. Feel it by sharing it. And let go of that desperation impulse to be fulfilled by one person, which is not you.

Now give yourself a hug! Happy Valentine’s Day to you!