MISSING MOM

To give you an update….we made it through week three without a nanny unscathed, and things are gradually shaping up on this end.

We decided to enroll my son in an after school program for two days. Turns out a bunch of boys he knows are also in the program, so he’s a happy camper about going there. And, we feel good about him having further socializing opportunities. Having him there is also helping me to straighten out my schedule, since I know that I have a bigger chunk of time available during the day to get things done. I feel a bit less like I’m racing the clock, though there still never seems to be enough hours in the day these days.

I’ve been sharing our nanny story with people gradually…those who knew her…and everyone is a bit stunned at the way it sadly concluded. Myself included, of course.

It made me think back to when Seth was a little one and how we’ve always had help. This is a whole new experience for us. So many moms I know have family support, which is so wonderful.

As Thanksgiving approaches, I become accutely conscious of family. I was speaking with one mom friend yesterday who mentioned she is cooking for 16. And, that she and her husband are going away in a couple of weeks to stay at a friends time share. Her parents or her husband’s parents will stay with the kids (she has two) while they’re gone.

I wondered…what is that like?

I am a “later” mom who is herself the product of “later” parents…and my mom passed away 10 years ago. My dad is a senior with health challenges. And, my husband lost his dad, and his mom is a senior. So, we have no parental help with Seth, and little family to spend holidays with. My sister and her family and my husband’s brother and his family are all traveling for Thanksgiving.

I’m not a big entertainer, so I don’t mind not having a crowd over for dinner. But, I do get a bit melancholy when I think of what holidays were like for me growing up. My mom would cook, and the whole house smelled great. And, I remember her signature recipes, i.e. matzoh stuff and pumpkin bread with chocolate chips. My husband now makes the pumpkin bread, which my son loves, and I feel like we’re sharing a bit of my mom with him, who he never knew.

I mentioned to a new friend the other day that my mom never met my son and how much she would have loved him. I’m sad for that, though we talk about her and share her photos with Seth. And, one day (when I have the emotional strength) can show him videos. But, they remain hard for me to watch.

So, if you have your parents, I urge you to enjoy them and not just during the holidays. Stay in the moment. Treasure their presence in your family’s life…even if the relationship isn’t perfect. You’ll miss them when they’re gone, regardless, and perhaps wish things might have been different. So, seize this time and try to create as loving a scenario with them as you can.

I’d love to have my mom back, even for a moment, so she could smile at my son.