My Time Away by Jean Marie Keenan-Johnston

I’ve been away for awhile.  It wasn’t by choice…my laptop broke down on me after a few really difficult weeks of trying to make one of my daughter’s dreams come true.  My oldest had asked to be in a pageant and we found one that seemed to follow some of the same values as we hold true…rules like no child under the age of twelve being allowed to wear makeup, workshops teaching proper interview skills so the girls can show poise and confidence rather than distracting foot kicking and accidental tablecloth tugging, an escort on stage with an important father figure in her life.  I had high hopes of making this a very special experience for her as well as the whole family, but trying to raise the sponsor fees seemed to take an incredible amount of time with very little success.  It was a very stressful time for me…every conscious moment of my day included thoughts swirling around my head trying to work out how to raise sponsor fees to make this happen for her.  In the end, we had to make a choice as a family and put off this adventure for another year after allowing ourselves some time to put aside some money that would allow us to really enjoy this adventure with her rather than stressing our way through it.  It was during this time that my laptop broke down and had to be sent out for a few weeks for repairs.

While I was without it, I really missed the opportunity to blog.  My mind was always coming up with ideas for topics to write about.  Besides blogging for this site, I also have two blogs of my own.  My one blog has been something I’ve worked on for quite some time but had to take a break due to technical difficulties I didn’t understand and needed to hire help to fix.  My second blog is still under construction.  Both blogs are written to reach out to other dealing with chronic pain conditions or cancer, especially those who are trying to raise children and care for their families while dealing with these obstacles.  I was in the middle of getting both of the blogs ready to be released to readers when I lost my laptop, so it hit me hard to be without it.  I have Facebook pages for both blogs, but it was still hard to be away.  I haven’t been too successful dealing with the difficulties caused by fibromyalgia and trying to blog using a smartphone or tablet, so I had to face facts…I was forced to sit on the sidelines and just wait for Best Buy to finish repairing my laptop.

Now that I have it back and don’t have to deal with the distraction of trying to make fundraising for my daughter’s pageant work, I’ve become frustrated as I try to get back into blogging for MotherhoodLater.  My daughters are pretty uncooperative when bedtime comes.  My oldest actually has turned into a five-year-old insomniac…last week she was up until after midnight every single night.  It’s pretty hard to wait all day for them to get to bed and have “my time” to get things done when “my time” comes later and later at night.  Writer’s block has been pretty strong lately too, and I’m sure the extra stress is making it even tougher to break through that block.  There’s nothing more frustrating than being a blogger who feels like she has nothing to write about.

I don’t know what’s been tougher…being away from my own blogs when I’m the only one who really feels the delay of not having them active and being shared with other or being away from MotherhoodLater after it feels like I only just arrived.  Either way, blogging is one of my outlets as well as the only way I have to really fulfill one of my passions, writing.  So I need to figure out how to overcome the obstacles fibromyalgia and my life as a wife and mother put in my way if I want to make it all work.  I know that day will come.  Right now I’m just going to have to convince myself that I’m doing my best to make it all work out, even if my first post back is only about explaining my time away.