Peaceful Montessori Parenting by Haley Turner (Book Excerpt)
GROWTH MINDSET
In the world of education and child development, the concept of a “growth mindset” as compared to a “fixed mindset” has gained significant attention, for good reason. This growth mindset, characterized by a belief in the malleability of intelligence and abilities, has been widely studied and promoted as a powerful tool for fostering resilience, motivation, and a love of learning in children. Basically, it’s a big deal!
As we know, Maria Montessori laid the groundwork for an approach deeply rooted in the belief of the limitless potential of each child. In a Montessori home, children are viewed as active, self-driven learners who construct their knowledge through hands-on experiences. This fundamental principle aligns so beautifully with a growth mindset as researched by Carol Dweck about thirty years ago, as she changed education and the raising of little ones forever!
So, what is the growth mindset in practice?
Embracing Challenges
In Montessori, kids get to tackle tough stuff at their own speed. If they’re figuring out a tricky math problem or still getting better at using their hands for everyday tasks, they’re learning to take on challenges at their own pace without a parent shaming or rushing them. We’re intentionally setting them up with a growth mindset that says, “When you hit a hard spot, it’s not a roadblock—it’s a chance to get even better at something and I trust you to get there!” As children begin to understand that hard work and practice are essential for achieving mastery, we find that kids are more likely to persist in challenging situations.
Embracing Mistakes
We all make mistakes and that’s a good thing, because it’s a huge indication that we’re trying something new or putting effort into what we haven’t mastered. Like, I apparently haven’t mastered walking with three plates and a travel mug in my hand. Or at least not totally, because I found myself carrying all such things and dropped the travel mug the other day, and guess what happened? My kids saw this and gave me the perfect opportunity to model kindness to myself! Mistakes can be seen as a natural part of the learning process. In this case I said, “Wow, that was a surprise—I didn’t expect to drop that! We all make mistakes sometimes, huh? I guess next time I can just carry fewer things at once or use a tray. Would anyone like to help me clean up?”
Note that we aren’t just saying, “Whatever, let me leave my messes all over the place because mistakes happen.” We intentionally focus on finding solutions to problems together, not shaming for the problem. It’s been found that solution-based parent strategies that encourage teamwork and positivity have much more effective results than coercive measures.
One of the most impactful responses to mistakes is the reminder that no “mistake” comes even close to the amount of love we feel for our children or ourselves. “I love you so much more than that broken lamp,” or “I love you so much more than any grade you get.” This is just as valuable during their big accomplishment moments, too, to emphasize that they are loved for who they are inside, beyond anything they could ever do, good or “bad.”
Adults benefit from a growth mindset, too, by the way. The more we can model and truly embrace awesome tools like this, the more likely our kids will soak it in. So, be kind to you! As with all things neuro-plasticity, it’s easier to build a child’s brain on this than to “retrain” an adult brain, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t possible. We’re all capable of “learning new tricks,” as they say. In this case, the trick is a mindset that sees opportunity for growth. It might sound something like shifting a mindset of “I’m a failure” to a more intentional “I’m not great at this yet, but I can prepare for next time to see improvements!”
About the Author: Haley Turner is an educator and Montessori parenting expert with experience in classrooms, working 1:1 with families, and raising her own homeschooled children. She holds a degree in Early Care and Education, certifications in Early Childhood Development, Montessori Education (ages 3-6), and Conscious Parent Coaching. Further training in Positive Discipline and RIE (Resources for Infant Educators) also greatly informs her work. She has created and taught five signature parenting courses and led workshops around the world.
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