RV Fears of a Late-in-Life, Bronx-bred Mom by Pamela Francis
I grew up in NY in the 1970s (as I’m fond of relating) and I can tell you that the only “bonfires” we experienced were the fiery flames of the 5-story tenement buildings that flanked the brick, monolithic, 21-story structures of the housing projects in which my family lived. Those rat and roach-infested tinderboxes (the tenements, not the pjs) went up in a conflagration of bright orange every week, it seemed, until eventually nothing remained but a row of abandoned, charred and blackened environmental health hazards. Those of us who lived in the Projects (mostly Black) would wonder if those of them who had lived in those tenements (mostly Puerto Rican) would be alright, as squadrons of fire trucks would roll in, sirens blaring and whining the call of destruction.
Fast forward two score and three years to earlier this month when I sprang a surprise Birthday Camping Experience on my 11-yr-old Junie. Complete with RV, fire pit and s’mores fixin’s. In for a penny, in for a pound, right? You betcha. So, in that same spirit, I even slept in the camper five out of the seven days we had it. We’re living on 3 acres of wooded farmland in the rural south these days, and I have romanticized having an RV experience for all my life. I went on a site called RV Share, which services the Carolinas in an AirBnBish fashion — but for RVs — and made it happen.
In rolls this camper on a sunny Tuesday afternoon, and so began our Man-Cave for boys / Gamer’s Lair / Birthday camp-out in our own slice of the woods Family Adventure. And so did my jitters.
Afraid…? To experience life in a camper…?!
Ok so these days there are tons of folks living in RVs right now in Southern Callie (where we blew in from a year ago) – and that’s if they’re lucky enough, because, low key, it’s a blessing beyond measure when you think about the alternative: sleeping on the tar and bubble-gum stained pavement at the bus stop like 22% of the population is already doing. We’d see them every day. The RVs. All lined up in communities of… I actually don’t know who all is in them. I imagine it varies depending on where you’re encountering them. Like, on that stretch of industrial manufacturing plants in Compton I’d guess the inhabitants could be… day laborers. But on that stretch of coastal sagebrush along PCH up in Malibu across the street from the Crab shack we used to love… perhaps a different bunch. Ya think?
But in this here camper in the woods, we got Bronx-bred Later Mom finally getting her chance to live the fantasy and she realizes she’s a tad nervous. Along with all that adventurous excitement, scads of what-ifs come out to play at night, like the deer in those same woods that encircle our home.
RV Fear #1: it’s cold as hell out here at night. It is, after all, December, and so we make copious use of the heating system in the RV. It runs off propane. I tend not to mess with flammables. Propane… kerosene… lighter fluid… polyester nightwear… So I get to worrying, “in the hands of my sons, will this thing blow up?”
RV Fear #2: there’s the cutest little fridge and stove, and the owner of the RV has outfitted it with frying pans and spatulas and stuff. On day one I make the best eggs over medium with slit down the middle beef hotdogs for breakfast. The kids love it. They love everything about this little camper. They might love it even more if I go back in the main house and let them make breakfast the next day on their own. So I get to worrying, “in the hands of my sons, will this thing burn up?”
RV Fear #3: where is all this piss actually going anyway?
RV Fear #4: When the lovely Adam (the owner’s name is Adam) brought the Winnie out to us that first day and set it up, I watched him skillfully stabilize the camper on the strategically placed bright orange coasters you’re supposed to secure them on. But when I got in the camper I felt a slight but decided list to the right and when the boys got going in there… with their balled up sock fights and horseplay I got to worrying, “in the hands of my sons, will this thing fall over on its side…?”
RV Fear #5: a big part of the joy of having the RV was being outside, away from the house, in the woods, roughing it in the cold and waking up to the great outdoors at our window every morning. In the daytime we’d have the door swung wide open and Junie would leap from it like a paratrooper exiting a plane. At night the boys would game on their XBOX until dawn. After four nights of having mom along for the ride, the boys were like, you can go on inside now, mom. We’d like it to ourselves for the weekend. And I was like, cool. So I dragged all my stuff out of there and “went home”. To the house. With the real beds, the central heating and real locks on the doors. But then I got to worrying… “Can somebody, like, accost my boys in the night and tip their RV over and have 5 days of pee spill out from somewhere underneath that I don’t quite know where it is and upset the propane tank and steal their electronics and…”
It was a great experience, you guys ? 
Tags: #birthday camping experience, #life in the woods, #RV fears, #South Carolina living
