Sleepless Nights—by Jamie Levine

As I sit and write this, I’m bleary-eyed and desperately craving sleep, having survived on less than four hours of slumber for the past two nights in a row. I thought my days of staying out until 2 a.m. were long gone once I gave birth to Jayda…but then I met Library Guy. For my birthday weekend, we had the rare pleasure of spending two weekend nights in a row together, and because time flies when I’m with him—and it’s hard for me to break away to go home when we’re together—that meant two late nights for me…sandwiched between Jayda’s typical 6 a.m. wake ups. I’m not sure how I made it through both an activity-filled Saturday and Sunday with my daughter, but I did…and my exhaustion was worth it. I’m tired. So tired. But I also feel a step closer to my guy.

An important part of our time together this weekend entailed bridging both of our worlds a bit more. Friday night, Library Guy and I had cocktails for the first time with a good friend of mine and her husband, and Saturday night, Library Guy took me to a dinner party hosted by one of his good friends. Both nights were comfortable and easy…and we both left very good impressions with the people whom we met. At the very least, our friends saw how happy we are together, and, after four intense months of dating, we are. The other day, on our “anniversary,” Library Guy texted me: “Four months and we still like each other a lot. What a concept—for both of us.” It’s true. And for me, the most amazing part of this all is that I never get tired of seeing him.

I’ve never dated anyone whom I wanted to see all the time; not as a lust-driven teenager nor as a commitment-craving woman. I’ve always needed plenty of me-time, as well as time with my friends. Or maybe it just never felt “right” for me to expect to see someone so often; as I’ve written before, most of my past relationships were with commitment-phobes, and I was trained never to wear my heart on my sleeve. But now, though I’m certainly not blowing off my gal-pals or my school and work obligations—nor my daughter, who remains my #1 priority—I find myself spending every spare moment I have with Library Guy. Is this healthy? I’m not sure. Does it mean he’s “the one?” It’s too soon to tell…isn’t it? Again, I’m not sure. All I know is that it sure feels good. Especially since the feeling is mutual. The other day, when I jokingly told Library Guy to take care of a frivolous chore “in his spare time,” he responded, “I spend all of my spare time with you.” Good answer. And worth my sacrifice of sleep. As the saying goes, “I can sleep when I’m dead.” And right now, I may be tired, but I’m living my life to the fullest…and it sure feels right.