The Montessori Way, Revised and Expanded: An Education for Life; A Comprehensive Guide for Parents and Teachers by Tim Seldin (Book Excerpt)
FRONTLIST | On Sale Date: June 24, 2025
ISBN: 9780760392775
Quarry Books
GRACE, COURTESY, AND AWARENESS
Montessori students learn practical lessons in everyday courtesy and respect, such as how to greet someone, enter a room, offer an apology, and ask if they can join an activity. Kindness and courtesy are vital practical life skills. Even the youngest child is treated with dignity and respect by teachers and classmates.
Over the years, students learn to accept more responsibility and handle themselves in various situations. Learning to live and work together with others in a peaceful and caring community is perhaps the most critical life skill that our students master.
The silence game helps children develop a much higher level of self-discipline and a greater awareness of the sounds around us. In this group activity, the teacher rings a small bell or hangs up a sign that reads: Silence. Children stop where they are, close their eyes, and try to remain perfectly still. Children wait to hear the teacher whisper their names. Then they silently rise and join the teacher.
Conflict Resolution: The Peace Process
Two children who disagree may leave the group to solve their problem. When classmates or the teacher observe an ongoing disagreement, somebody might bring them a token, such as a talking stick or a peace rose, with a reminder to solve their problem peacefully. Montessori teaches a process for nonviolent conflict resolution. Children can retreat to a special place in the classroom to calm themselves or resolve hurt feelings. This might be a corner with cushions or a little table where the children can talk quietly.
In the following example, Eleanor is frustrated with her classmate, Lisa. At the peace table, Eleanor places her hand on the table, indicating that she wants to have her say without interruption. She places her other hand on her heart, suggesting that she is speaking the truth from her heart. She looks Lisa in the eye and proceeds to state how she feels and why, saying, “Lisa, I feel very angry because you didn’t let me play with you and Lily!”
Eleanor says what she would like to happen to resolve the conflict: “And I don’t want you to do that ever again if you want to be my friend!” Once she has stated her case and opened the door for further discussion, she withdraws her hand and gives Lisa a chance to respond.
Lisa proceeds in the same way. She places her hands on the table and her heart, looks Eleanor in the eye, and responds, “Eleanor, I’m unhappy that you’re angry. I did not mean to hurt your feelings.
However, Lily is a good friend of mine, and only two participants can play the game we played. Nobody else could have joined us if I had played it with you. So, you see, it’s just one of those things. I want to remain your friend.”
They continue the dialogue until they reach an agreement, even if they disagree. They talk without yelling, screaming, or blaming. They want to solve the problem.
Students learn that disturbances must be solved honestly and with goodwill to maintain a harmonious and cooperative atmosphere in the community.
About the Author
TIM SELDIN, MEd
President of the Montessori Foundation and Chair of the International Montessori Council, Tim Seldin’s more than fifty years of experience in Montessori education includes twenty-two years as head of the Barrie School in Silver Spring, Maryland. Tim was the co-founder of the Institute for Advanced Montessori Studies and the Center for Guided Montessori Studies. He currently serves as the executive director of the NewGate School in Sarasota, Florida. He earned a BA in history and philosophy from Georgetown University; an MEd in educational administration and supervision from the American University; and his Montessori certification from the American Montessori Society. Tim is the author of several books on Montessori education, including How to Raise an Amazing Child; Montessori for Every Family with Lorna McGrath; Building a World-Class Montessori School; Finding the Perfect Match: Recruit and Retain Your Ideal Enrollment; Master Teachers–Model Programs; Starting a New Montessori School; Celebrations of Life; and The World in the Palm of Her Hand.
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