The Terrible Toos: Top 10 reasons you’re not… you haven’t… you never… (fill in the blanks) by Pamela Francis

An old friend of mine — ok, an old flame — looked me up the other day to find out how and what I was doing. I didn’t mind telling him because at this juncture I am a) pretty happy with what’s going on in my life, and b) mature enough to know that whatever I don’t like about what’s going on in my life is within “my power” to fix, change or improve. Still, I found myself in what can only be described as an “unsolicited coaching session” with said flame, whereby he showered me with his “infinite wisdom” pertaining to parenting, marriage, purpose and success.

It occurred to me — and I mentioned as much to old Flamie — that everyone was a coach these days, fashioning themselves as experts on this, that and a third, and eagerly wanting to sign everyone else up for mentoring. Why, even someone I’d enlisted for a little career direction, making it perfectly clear to her what I do (the service), for whom (the clientele) and why (the purpose), persisted in having me become a life coach.

Good Lord, I mumbled.  Have we all gone coach crazy? I tried explaining to her that my clients — women and men with a creative yen to write, who desire to become published authors, were not looking for a coach so much as someone like me — a trusted, knowledgeable and experienced writer and published author, to get their words out of their heads and onto the page; get their pages out of the notebook and into a manuscript; get their manuscript off of the computer and into a book; get their book out of the drawer and onto Amazon.com (or Wheresomeever Publishing, as they’d say in the South). Then it occurred to me… holy Mother! I AM a coach! When did that happen?

From that moment on — yes, it only happened yesterday — I began to look at every teachable moment from a coach’s perspective. I started coming up with “7 Steps To” this and “8 Practices That” that.  My husband came home looking a tad perplexed. “What is it?” I asked (a good coach is always aware of the vibrations of uncertainty in the room) (giggle).

He shook his head. “I don’t know.”

“Sure you do,” I countered (a good coach is always ready to push past your feigned perplexity about what sucks in your life).

“Well…,” he said, “I just can’t figure out why I haven’t made a million dollars yet with my (fill in the blank).”  (A good coach is always keenly aware of the dreams and aspirations we’ve abandoned or fallen short of as parents.)

And then I gave it to him straight.  My Top 10 Reasons you’re STILL not a millionaire / best-selling author / reality tv star / Nobel prize winner / heralded inventor…

In the spirit of parenting, I call them “The Terrible Toos”:
#1 TOO Tired. The remedy: change your diet, get some exercise, and alleviate stress in whatever ways you can.
#2 TOO Lazy. Recognize that “lazy” in its least judgmental sense, is simply an “energy level” characteristic of not getting much accomplished. Change that.
#3 TOO Frightened. Stay away from Yahoo headlines. You’ve become reactive and superstitious because of all the bad news you encounter and you find it hard to produce/create.
#4 TOO Fearful. This is different from too frightened. You need confidence-boosting support and encouragement from friends, family and peers to overcome fear.

#5 TOO Proud.  Old age, status awareness and detrimental comparison are keeping you from seeking out the help and support you crave.  Stop it.

#6 TOO Glib.  You’ve forgotten how to learn, and/or you’re embarrassed at being a student.  Become teachable again, and this time… apply what you learn.

#7 TOO Obstinate.  Pride + Fear = Stubborn.

#8 TOO Embarrassed.  (See 5 and 6 above)

#9 TOO Blocked.  You’ve turned off so many people no one will help you.  Now you’re disconnected from the pathways to success.  Go volunteer somewhere.

#10 TOO Disenfranchised.  You’ve burnt more bridges than a California wildfire.  You’re isolated.  Rebuild.

As a bonus I could add…

#11 TOO Impressionable.  Somebody told you you’d make a great coach and you lost your focus.  The remedy: Find one thing at which to be excellent, and hone it til it pays out like a slot machine in Vegas. ; )

Tags: #coaching, #dreams and aspirations, #get published, #late in life parent, #personal touch creations studio, #terrible toos