IN SEARCH OF MOM by Robin Gorman Newman

My mother didn’t live to see me become a mother, and I wish she had.

There’s nothing like the love of a mother (assuming it’s a positive relationship).

Seth and I were in the park last weekend, and we wound up speaking to an elderly couple playing with their dog.  They were throwing a soggy fabric  frisbee into the water, and Rusty the Lab was eagerly chasing it down and shaking himself off all over the lawn.  Soon Seth got pulled into the action, and he was having a ball running around with the dog.  The woman asked Seth where he goes to school and what grade he’s in. Turned out he’s in class with one of her grandsons, and we realized that she and I had seen each other at a recent school function where the kids shared books they had written.  Small world. 

I recalled seeing her in the classroom, sitting with her daughter and grandson, taking delight in his creation and that of other students.  I could see the connection between her and her daughter, and I felt a pang of jealousy.  I wondered if the daughter treasured her mom?  How much time did they spend together?  Did her kids do sleepovers at grandma’s?  Did they shop together?   She seemed young at heart, warm and friendly.

I have no idea what their relationship is like, and I’m not questioning it one way or the other, but I find myself often piqued with curiosity when I see a mom/daughter who seem close.  What I wouldn’t have given to have my mom present for my son’s life.  To share his growth.  To call on her for her wisdom.  To share the joys and challenges.

Do women know how lucky they are if they have that?  It’s so easy to take people for granted when they’re there for you unfailingly and always have been.  It may feel like they’ll be there forever, but unfortunately, we know that’s not the case.

There’s nothing like the nurturing of a mom.  A tender hug.   A knowing glance.  The right words at the right time.  Ok…sometimes the wrong words too….no mom/daughter relationship is perfect…and some are downright awful, damaging and disappointing.  But, if you have a mom who is truly present for you, positive, etc, it doesn’t get much better than that.

I often find myself, at times, seeking out “mother” figures who can lend a reassuring smile or make a much needed phone call…and know just when I need it.  Someone who shows up without judgment.  Someone who you don’t always need a reason to call and accepts if in the heat of the moment, you ramble because you desperately need to share.  Someone who can make the time for you, despite being busy (who isn’t?).  Someone you enjoy and who enjoys you back.  Someone who is wise and shares with tenderness.  Someone you can laugh with.

 I know it’s a lot to ask.   But, when I find it, I value it with all that I have.  And, I try to be there in return.

 Who doesn’t need a mom, no matter how old we get?!

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY, IN ADVANCE, TO ALL THE LOVING, DEVOTED MOMS OUT THERE!!  YOUR KIDS ARE LUCKY TO HAVE YOU!!

Tags: family, later mom, midlife motherhood, Mother's Day, motherless daughter, older mom, parenting, raising a son