I’m Not a Grandma……by Marina Topsis

It happened again. While waiting for the Halloween parade to start at my two boys’ school, another parent turned to me and asked if I was there for my grandchildren. I responded saying the boys are my kids. No apology. The month before I reminded my six year old to behave while he was getting his haircut and the stylist chimed in, “Listen to your grandma.”

Even as newborns the “grandma” inference would come up. I found myself compelled to share my miraculous journey to motherhood; having met my husband in our forties,  putting parenting on hold to care for my ailing mother, and finally making the decision to seek the help of who we call a miracle worker, Dr. Miguel Damien, the best IVF specialist in New Jersey.

At work, my successful pregnancies inspired other older aspiring parents to seek him out and they, as well, were blessed. What is it about older woman with children that makes people automatically assume they’re our grandchildren?  AMA bias exists.

I became familiar with the term Advanced Maternal Age during my two pregnancies, having my boys at 54 and 55 years of age. Even before the pregnancies our journey to parenthood was marred by snide comments. My husband’s relative bold faced told him, “Why did you marry an older woman?  The probability of you having children is zero.”  Words that resonate with me today.

Other people tried to dissuade us from having children stating this was the age we should be traveling. I’m glad we didn’t listen to the naysayers. Our six year old and eight year old fill our life with joy. At 62, the incredible journey of motherhood is the same as any “median” aged mom. My children don’t know how old mama “should” be.

Our family unit is small but full of love. Not having any grandparents or cousins their age in their life, we don’t have the benefit of an extended family to help us out in a pinch. Thank goodness for my sister who helps out when she can. My husband and I don’t expect anyone else to do the parenting, and our lives are filled with the same activities “young” parents experience. There’s getting ready for the school bus, greeting the boys when they get home from school and asking about their day, teacher conferences, packing lunch boxes, homework, play dates, visits to Chuck E. Cheese, birthday parties, bedtime stories and prayers. There’s the family outings, the sleepless nights when the boys are sick, the silly days when we play on the swings, run in the yard, play on scooters, don soldier’s hats, play tag and hide and seek, and so much more. You see, my AMA doesn’t stop me from being the mom my boys need.

It’s okay if you call me a grandmother. I know the role I play in my children’s life. I am grateful that we didn’t miss out on being parents to two amazing boys. As long as we can provide them with all the things they need, tangible and intangible, our age as parents should not be the world’s concern.

Tags: family, grandma, IVF, later in life mom, parenting, raising a child