I’m Not a Grandma……by Marina Topsis

It happened again. While waiting for the Halloween parade to start at my two boys’ school, another parent turned to me and asked if I was there for my grandchildren. I responded saying the boys are my kids. No apology. The month before I reminded my six year old to behave while he was getting his haircut and the stylist chimed in, “Listen to your grandma.”

Even as newborns the “grandma” inference would come up. I found myself compelled to share my miraculous journey to motherhood; having met my husband in our forties,  putting parenting on hold to care for my ailing mother, and finally making the decision to seek the help of who we call a miracle worker, Dr. Miguel Damien, the best IVF specialist in New Jersey.

At work, my successful pregnancies inspired other older aspiring parents to seek him out and they, as well, were blessed. What is it about older woman with children that makes people automatically assume they’re our grandchildren?  AMA bias exists.

I became familiar with the term Advanced Maternal Age during my two pregnancies, having my boys at 54 and 55 years of age. Even before the pregnancies our journey to parenthood was marred by snide comments. My husband’s relative bold faced told him, “Why did you marry an older woman?  The probability of you having children is zero.”  Words that resonate with me today.

Other people tried to dissuade us from having children stating this was the age we should be traveling. I’m glad we didn’t listen to the naysayers. Our six year old and eight year old fill our life with joy. At 62, the incredible journey of motherhood is the same as any “median” aged mom. My children don’t know how old mama “should” be.

Our family unit is small but full of love. Not having any grandparents or cousins their age in their life, we don’t have the benefit of an extended family to help us out in a pinch. Thank goodness for my sister who helps out when she can. My husband and I don’t expect anyone else to do the parenting, and our lives are filled with the same activities “young” parents experience. There’s getting ready for the school bus, greeting the boys when they get home from school and asking about their day, teacher conferences, packing lunch boxes, homework, play dates, visits to Chuck E. Cheese, birthday parties, bedtime stories and prayers. There’s the family outings, the sleepless nights when the boys are sick, the silly days when we play on the swings, run in the yard, play on scooters, don soldier’s hats, play tag and hide and seek, and so much more. You see, my AMA doesn’t stop me from being the mom my boys need.

It’s okay if you call me a grandmother. I know the role I play in my children’s life. I am grateful that we didn’t miss out on being parents to two amazing boys. As long as we can provide them with all the things they need, tangible and intangible, our age as parents should not be the world’s concern.

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  1. 7 Responses to “I’m Not a Grandma……by Marina Topsis”

  2. Your Children are very lucky to have you as Mamma. So much of YOU to offer.

    By wilma J. Couch on Nov 9, 2021

  3. Sometimes being an older mom makes you a better parent. You’ve finished with the wild days and nights of your youth and are ready to be home with your family. Plus having waited, sometimes impatiently, for motherhood gives a deeper appreciation of the experience. Congrats to you on your lovely family.

    By Galya Gerstman on Nov 9, 2021

  4. Dear Marina, some people get married very young and some get married later on in life.
    The most important time in ones life is when they meet Mr Right. I met your husband one time and I thought that he was a Very nice person and that you made a very nice couple. That’s what counts in life and following through with your life together you were able to have a beautiful family, two wonderful, handsome sons. That’s life, that’s what’s important and don’t look back and think of stupid comments from ignorant people. Enjoy your husband and children, you have a life.❣️❣️❣️

    By Eve Koskovolis on Nov 9, 2021

  5. You go girl!! Well told awesome job great article!

    By Lorraine on Nov 9, 2021

  6. Such a beautiful post

    By Julie Topsis on Nov 9, 2021

  7. What a beautifully written love story of being a mother and wife. Good for you❣
    Thank you for sharing such a personal and heartfelt journey in your lives.
    Motherhood is not for everyone, but is a special worthwhile experience.
    Like everything in life there will be ups and downs, but family and love is always worth fighting for. I was willing to die for my children the day they were born and now do the same for my grandkids ?

    By Maria Ganiaris on Nov 9, 2021

  8. Marina
    What a beautiful story. Your boys are lucky to have you as their mom. You are what a mother should be. God bless you
    Love you ❤️Marie

    By Marie Addeo on Nov 12, 2021