When I’m 64, Will I Still Want One More? by Melissa Swedoski
What’s one more? Have one more. You won’t even notice. It’s just one more. Come on, you’ve got time for one more.
Since about 20 minutes after the birth of our youngest baby girl in May 2012, I’ve been pondering if I want to have another. Baby, that is. After all, once you have two, what difference is one more? The question is, do I really have time for one more?
Thanks to a really super fun condition known as diminished ovarian syndrome, I am running out of eggs faster than the “average” woman. Considering I can’t run faster than the average turtle, this information somehow seems about right. The universe is constantly laughing, in case you haven’t been listening. So once we reached that diagnosis in 2009, life became a getaway car hurtling toward…well, I’m not really sure. It seemed like we were running to get pregnant, but heck, I was mostly running to get meds, take shots, give blood, get ultrasounds, remind my husband to go give a sample, drive 2 hours on a Sunday to the main reproductive doctor’s office. Didn’t feel like a rush to get pregnant. Felt more like a rush to get a migraine.
The backstory is for later, but suffice to say that after two years of running out of options, I was about to cross the finish line of the big 4-0, and my biological clock wasn’t just ticking, it was like that very loud ticking bomb from World War II they find in the movie “Hot Fuzz.” (Never seen it? You must.) So we decided to try IVF one more time, since the funds were almost gone, and supposedly, so were the eggs. We were fortunate to be successful and beautiful baby girl #1 was born. And we had no idea what we were in for.
My ob-gyn, a snark master if ever there was one, strenuously suggested we use condoms, since I refused to take one more day of birth control. Nearly 20 years seemed like enough after two years of injections. Totally worth it, don’t misunderstand. As my husband also pointed out, we’d had zip, nada, nothing after two years of trying. This seemed an unnecessary thing to worry about. The doc, of course, had to share that stupid urban legend about people getting pregnant after using IVF, to which I said, “pfft,” and went on about my business.
My cycles returned in a wonky fashion, the last of which was one week on, one week off, and one week on, with my ovulation appearing to occur at the same time. When I went in for my six month checkup and couldn’t pinpoint exactly when my last period was, they tested me. Sounds like I was trying out for a new job, and I suppose I was, as this test revealed I was pregnant. I was mute with excitement, having lost one pregnancy before, and not particularly hopeful on this one. But little miss #2 decided she liked my uterus and decided to hang out for a while. Thirty-nine weeks. At least we think so, since I never did come up with a date on that pesky period. Stupid Aunt Flo. She never calls before dropping by.
Now it’s one year later, and we’ve debated back and forth about having another. This time, though, I went on the pill, because we weren’t sure and didn’t want to risk getting preggo again, since apparently my husband has mega-sperm. (That’s a quote from a nurse at the reproductive doc’s office. I could not make that up.) But it’s scary, because all those times they told us my eggs were no good – at least not without some assistance – made me fear a lot of things. Plus, what about money? What about the lack of room? Damn, I’d have to get a minivan. Three car seats won’t work in our SUV. Stupid car.
I think we’ve pretty well decided that our family is complete. We have our hands full with 1 and 2 year old girls, and we really want to travel. Before I’m 64. You know, about the time the oldest one graduates college.
Tags: children, daughters, family, first mom over 40, girls, infertility, IVF, siblings
16 Responses to “When I’m 64, Will I Still Want One More? by Melissa Swedoski”
We never had the problem of deciding if we’d have “just one more.” We adopted our first, and the only problem we had deciding on what to do about the 2nd was whether we’d go for adoption again or, looking at our bank accounts and seeing the lack of funds for it, whether my husband and I could convince me that we could take another chance on getting pregnant and hopefully carrying this one to term. We did get pregnant, carried to term, and now are so happy with our 2 boys. But two is enough for us–a lovely, awesome number that provides enough loving craziness in this house! :) Whatever you decide, it’ll be awesome.
By Shay on May 28, 2013
What’s one more? Maybe it’ll be the one who gets famous and makes you rich! And I will watch Hot Fuzz today in your honor.
By janna on May 28, 2013
I say keep goin til you get a boy! ;)
By Barbara on May 28, 2013
As the mother of six, you probably don’t want to hear from me. :)
By Diane on May 28, 2013
I went through this same sort of thought process after I had my 3rd…I thought I might want a 4th but wasn’t sure if we could handle it both financially as well as physically. It finally “hit” me one day that I was done…it took me a while to get to that point, but sometimes you will have that epiphany that tell you that you’re either done or not…in my case, I was also getting on the older side, so I think that helped me with my final decision. You’ll get there…
By Emily on May 28, 2013
You people are awesome! And only moderately helpful. :) And Diane – umm….yeah….
By Melissa Swedoski on May 29, 2013
Oh, Melissa! I’ve never experienced the hurdles you did trying to get pregnant, and I applaud your patience and fortitude. That said, I have the itch. I have a boy and girl (currently 2, 3 y/o) and I want a third in the worst way. I LOVE being pregnant and my husband is adamant that I just want that feeling again, and not a kid. I worry that he may be right! Is that weird? Anyway, you do what’s best for you and yours, and trust that’s what meant to be will be. OBVIOUSLY in your case ;) Great story!
By whencrazymeetsexhaustion on May 29, 2013
Making a decision like that is so hard. I thought we were done, but these days I’m yearning…. Then I remember how hard it is… but still
I hope you find peace in whatever decision you make.
By Molley@A Mother Life on May 29, 2013
If you feel complete then stop but I know it’s a tough call, especially when you’ve had fertility issues. We have a 3 year old and have been trying for nearly 2 years on our second. We had no issues with the first child and now it’s been a long road. We always go back and forth on having 2 or 3 kids but I’m in my late 30s and my husband is 10 years older than that so he will be ancient lol by the time even our 3 year old graduates from college! I’m totally with you here though on wondering!
By Kiera @easytravelmom on May 29, 2013
Ugh I am of no help to you. I have two boys and I really think I want one more, partly to try for a girl but partly just because I feel like someone whether girl or boy is missing from our family. My husband does not feel the same way. It’s tough. I see his side too…like traveling before we are 64. :) Let me know what you decide.
By Outsmarted Mommy on May 29, 2013
We have 4 boys. 90% of the time I’m glad I’m finished with the baby stage (well, at least the lack of sleep and diapering part) but I do still see babies and miss having a little one to hold. I will just have to wait until I’m a Grandma and babysit a lot though!
By Angela McKeown @Momopolize on May 29, 2013
Love your writing, heartwarming & hilarious! Don’t know how I got here, but so glad I found you!
And as another mother of six, you might not want to hear from me either :)
By Jennifer on May 29, 2013
I loved this post!!! After two fertility doctor assisted babies we had the shock of our lives when I not only got pregnant with baby #3 but carried my sweetie to term!! My friends still tease me because for the whole time I was pregnant I kept saying, I don’t know how this could have happened! When I called my OBGYN to tell them the nurse said that if she had a dollar for every time one of their “infertility” patients got pregnant on their own she would be wealthy!! I have found that third babies have a way of showing up whether you think your done or not. But I also think two is a great number and to be honest if I had 5 I would always be tempted to have one more!! Thanks for a fun post!
By Kathy Radigan on May 29, 2013
I just had to stop by to say hi from the Hump Day Hookup. Especially because the instant I posted my link for my post on why I’m perfectly fine with one kid thankyouverymuch… I saw your title “do we need one more” FUNNY!
By Joules (from Pocketful of Joules) on May 29, 2013
Great Post!! We would like to have a second one but are unsure when we want to start trying. But I can’t Imagine having a third one at this point! LOL!
By allison on May 31, 2013